Note: This has nothing to do with The Tale of Squirrel Nutkin
by Beatrix Potter
I have several good friends. One of them is named Joe. Joe is.....a little strange. He had an especially strange childhood. This is the story he tells of the day he was attacked by squirrels.
"I was in my backyard, reading a book. I was about nine at the time, and I'd stopped reading the book so that I could just sit and stare at the sky. All of a sudden, I noticed there was a little squirrel sitting less than a yard away from me on the back porch where I was sitting. He was looking at me with the most curious expression I've ever seen on a squirrel's face before. I was about to say something like "Howdy, squirrel!" when the thing jumped up, and ran up my leg. The thing was totally fearless, and ran up my back to my shoulder. It sat there for a second, and then proceeded to run all over my body (across my lap, shoulders, head, chest) for a few seconds. It then leaped from my knee, and ran up a tree a few yards away. At the time, I was so shocked and scared I couldn't do anything, and it was gone before I could even shout.
That night I had the weirdest dream. I was alone in a forest. I was wearing this weird grey robe, and I remember being really cold. All of a sudden, this ghostly image appeared before me in the clearing I was in. It was a giant, see through image of the squirrel from that day. Then, it spoke to me. It had a high, squeaky voice, kind of like Chip from Chip n' Dale's Rescue Rangers. 'Joe!' It said. 'Joe, you have anger me, Nutkin, the High Squirrel Priest. Never again are you permitted to commune with the squirrels! If you ever come within five feet of one of my kind again, I will fill your pants with nuts!' And with that, he dissapeared. At that point, I woke up, to hear a tapping on the glass. Guess what? ........ IT WAS A SQUIRREL!!"
At that point he usually starts laughing uncontrollably. Everytime he sees a squirrel when we're out walking, he starts screaming about "Nutkin's Law". My friend is a weird guy.