2011-11-11 03:09 UTC

Happy 11.11.11! More 11s and 1s can be attached due to the time 11:11:11.1111111111... Happy Veterans Day and Rememberance Day!

Fans of binary probably love all the days this year with 1s and 0s in them.

I'm looking to spend the day in New York City and check out the Veterans Day parade like I did in 2010 and 2008. I'll snap photos and stick them on Facebook and e-mail them to friends and family.

05:40 UTC

About 5.5 hours ago, I learnt that a woman I have been romantically interested in for a while is a lesbian. It may be surprising, but I didn't feel any emotional pain upon learning this from her. When I get rejected by a heterosexual woman, I feel pretty lousy. I wonder if most people have a difference in reactions when the situation is different from person to person or if it's just me. I have a hypothesis on it, at least with me: when a straight girl rejects me, I feel as if it's me specifically that's in some way, shape, or form inadequate; whereas when I get rejected by a lesbian, it's different, because there never was a possibly that I'd (or any other guy) be found sexually attractive to her.

Reading jisei, I think to myself that I will write a death poem one day, when I either sense or greatly wish my own end, and I will post it here. It will be nuked, along with everything I've ever done, just for the sake of nihilism. Everything I've ever made will be cleansed from the Earth, hopefully with everyone I've ever met, all my acquaintances. It won't be easy. This house will have to burn if I settle for the least. For the rest, I guess I'd need some kind of mass extinction event, or to throw a huge party with months of advertising... Well, people never show up when I try to do those things. It's so sad; I would spend all this time and energy setting up enough explosives to take out at least a ten acre radius, and then five people would come, and probably the ones I wanted to save.

Fire from the ground, into the sky
Raining dirt in the autumn wind
Faces, then nothing

Well, it probably won't play out that way. I've been planning much longer to either say the speech from Blade Runner or "I'd hate to die twice. It's so boring." I also wanted to have my collagen made into gelatin and fed to mourners as Jello or Skittles, the ashes of my former bones used for Ivory Black and painted into something appropriate. If there were enough, maybe some of the ash could be pressed into a vinyl record. I've gone on long walks before, imagined that I would learn work stone, make my own ornate tombstone six feet high, four or five feet wide, massive and heavy, my masterpiece carved into it. It would probably be passed onto my offspring. If I'm ever rich and famous, maybe I'd build a pyramid. Or maybe I'd donate my brain to science. There are honestly so many great choices, I change my mind all the time.

It's stupid to make these plans. Not because it's stupid to think about, but because I'll inevitably fail to have any of those things done. Just setting my future ghost self up for an afterlife of disappointment, or otherwise my rotting corpse self for a very depressing nothingness.

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