Nobody for me but you

I’d like to think I’m an ordinary girl. Living in a modest house in suburbia, getting decent grades, volunteering on the farm, keeping my leather jackets clean and in good repair, dating boys. I’d like to think nothing in my life is remarkable. I’d like to think everything I am and everything I do is easy to understand because lots of other people have dealt with it.

Unfortunately we have to either play the cards we’re dealt, or fold.

On an ordinary spring afternoon, while my brother Will was splayed on the couch, I was folded over my knees in front of him, my forehead resting on the wood of the floor.

"What’s up with you?" said Will. "You like the taste of varnish or something?"

"Dearest brother," I said, "lend me your ear. Romance is driving me nuts."

"Thank goodness it doesn’t drive mine," said Will. "But go on."

"Har dee har har," I said. "Look." I pushed myself to kneel upright. "Here’s the thing. You’ve met Marissa, right?"

Will grinned. "She sure is purdy. So you’re into her, eh? Lucky you."

"Unlucky me! I’m not physically attracted to her at all! She’s kind and clever and funny and she always has this way of making me feel like the day will be alright and I literally can’t imagine my life without her but I’m not physically attracted to her at all, I’ve only ever gotten horny for boys – "

"She’s your best friend," said Will. "I get that."

"No!" I shouted, startling Will. I let out a long breath. "If she was just my best friend then maybe I wouldn’t be thinking about her all the time. Every second I’m not with her, many of the seconds I am with her, I’m thinking about her. I spend nights wishing for her return. I’m forgetting to eat breakfast just so I can get to school faster and wait for her. If she’s not in school that day I feel sick.”

“Damn,” said Will. “You’ve got it bad, alright.”

“And this is without being physically attracted to her at all,” I continued. “It’s driving me crazy,  it’s driving my grades crazy." I fished a crumpled paper out of my pocket and handed it to Will. "Here. Report card. Never show this to Mom and Dad."

Will took the paper and uncrumpled it. He stared at it for a few seconds. He let out a low whistle. "Damn, sis. Aren’t you an A student?"

"I used to be!"

"You realize Mom and Dad might hear about this from the school anyway? I bet your teachers are wondering why one of their star students has just seen her grades fall off a cliff. Unless you’ve been obviously distracted by Marissa in class – "

"I have been ordered to sit on the opposite side of the classroom from her a few times."

Will sighed. "Right. Okay. I bet the teachers know you two are inseparable but they chalk it up to youthful disobedience instead of teenage hormones – "

"There are no hormones involved!"

"Right. Sure. Whatever. Have you and Marissa ever, like, talked about your relationship?"

"No…"

Will raised an eyebrow. I couldn’t figure out what he was talking about. Relationship? Like a romantic relationship or something? Marissa was my best friend. And yet I had just said she was something more than my best friend. I had just said romance was driving me nuts. There was a relationship here, wasn’t there? Maybe. Was it mutual? Marissa was by my side at every opportunity. Parting every afternoon was such sweet sorrow that sometimes we went to my house or hers without letting either house know ahead of time. Alright maybe it was mutual. Wait did that mean she –

"Not too many years before both of you go to college," said Will. "She’ll probably pick a different one than you. Did you think about that?"

All my racing thoughts came to a screeching halt.

"Didn’t think about that much, did you."

"That’s still a year and a half away," I murmured.

"Yeah sure," said Will. "Years to you look longer than they look to me. You think you’ve got all the time in the world, and you don’t. And you’ve had nothing but lovely Marissa in your head for a while. What did I expect." He shook his head ruefully. "Look. Marissa is clearly doing something to you. Maybe you’re doing the same thing to her. But there’s no way for either of you to know unless you actually talk to each other about it."

"I don’t want to talk to her about it!" I squeaked.

"Then you can let your grades come crashing down like Barad-Dur," said Will, "and you can run out the clock on this whole mess until you have to make a heartfelt love confession at the last minute in the grand tradition of a romantic movie, only this is reality so Marissa might be annoyed it took you this long to say anything, instead of giving you a big smackeroo like you hope."

Something in my chest stirred, and my face grew hot. My hand strayed to my sternum. What was happening now?

"Mina?" said Will, sitting upright and looking at me with concern. "You okay there?"

"Yes," I said. "No, I mean I haven’t been okay for a while, but I’m not dying. You just said something that made me feel weird. Run that last lecture by me again?"

Will repeated his spiel. Halfway through it I felt something in my chest flutter again. "One more time," I said, "that line about the love – "

THUMP-thump.

There it was again. My heart was making its opinion known. Something about the love confess –

THUMP-thump.

That was the word, then? Love?

THUMP-thump.

I loved Marissa.

THUMP-thump.

"You sure you’re not going to explode?" said Will.

"I love Marissa," I said. 

THUMP-thump.

"Oh my God. I said it. I love Marissa." I started to giggle. "This is so weird. I’m lovesick for her but not even remotely physically attracted to her. How does that work?"

"It happens," said Will. "It’s rare, but it happens. Especially with people who have no libido at all, such as yours truly. But you, I’ve seen you turn your head to stare at hot guys. So I can’t exactly say what’s going on with you either."

"Nooooo," I said. "Brother, you were my only hope."

"Am I? One should think that the girl you love is your hope. One should think that she could help you out of this mess. Have you no faith in her?"

"Do you really think I want to take that step before I’ve figured myself out?"

"I think," said Will, fixing me with a stern gaze, "that if you let this go on any longer, she’s going to start noticing how uncomfortable you are around her. And then she might think she’s done something wrong. Or, if she’s as clever as you say she is, she would figure it out instantly. Assuming she hasn’t figured it out already. So...I have a confession of my own to make."

"What."

"I took the liberty of calling your girlfriend – "

"She is not my girlfriend!"

" – and saying that you had something important to tell her."

Suddenly I felt cold. "You – you did what?"

Will winced. "Not a nice move on my part, but I had to get the ball rolling."

"You monster!" I shouted, springing to my feet. "You fiend! You son of a – "

The doorbell rang.

"Hello?" said Marissa’s voice. "Mina, are you there?"

THUMP-thump.

Oh no.

Will got up off the couch and started toward the door. I immediately got in front of him. I’d like to think that my years of shoveling horse poop on the farm have given me a fair bit of strength. I can lift like sixty pounds without a sweat. Unfortunately Will has been a gym rat for a decade and a warehouse worker for a while so he’s got some serious pythons. Which is to say my attempts to shove him backward ended him picking me up and putting me to the side. He opened the door.

And there was Marissa, all five-foot-five of lovely Marissa. Eyes like gleaming obsidian, the one pair of eyes I never feared to look into. Long jet-black braids that I had spent an entire year figuring out how to do properly so we had extra excuses to hang out together. A nut-brown face that practically glowed when she stood in the summer sun. She caught sight of me and her face lit up in that smile that always made me feel like the clouds were parting after a storm.

Something stirred in my loins.

Oh no.

Oh no no no.

"Mina," said Marissa like I was a glass of water in a desert.

"Glurk," I said. I whirled around and dashed up the stairs into my room and slammed the door.

This couldn’t be happening. This could not be happening. I had just told Will I wasn’t remotely physically attracted to Marissa. What was going on with me? Was I suddenly not attracted to boys anymore after all? I glanced at the poster over my bed with the shirtless J-Pop idol. I stared at his chest. His rippling abs. His lithe muscles. His perfect face. His – I had been staring at him too long. Alright so that wasn’t it, I still liked guys.

I grabbed one of my teen-girl magazines. This one had a picture of a really pretty woman in it. I fanned through the pages until I found her – a woman with green eyes and auburn curls and red lipstick and, to be frank, a figure that probably would have had guys going "holy cow" even if she hadn’t been wearing a tight red dress. Did this woman give me the hots?

Nothing. There was nothing.

What was going on?

Someone knocked on the door. I jumped, the magazine falling out of my hands and to the carpet. It made no sound. Thank goodness.

"Mina?" said Marissa. "You okay in there, honey?"

"There’s nobody in here!" I shouted. Ah, nuts.

"You looked like you weren’t doing okay," said Marissa. "You’ve been looking less than okay for a while."

"It’s nothing!"

"It has to be something," said Marissa, "if it causes you to run away from me of all people. Come on. If I can’t help you with this – "

"You are the last person I would want to talk to about this!" I shouted.

"Oh," said Marissa, sounding hurt. "Wait. Does that mean it involves me? What, are you planning a surprise party? No, a party wouldn’t make you get all weird like this. Wait, I know, you’re planning to propose. Honey, we’re both too young! Wait until I come back to you from college and fling myself into your arms!"

Damn that girl, she was perceptive. "Look," I said, "give me a minute, okay?"

"As long as it’s a literal minute," said Marissa. "You only gave me five seconds badk there at the front door."

"Not a literal minute!" I said, slumping with my back against the door.

"Alright," said Marissa, sounding disappointed. "You do know I can’t get enough of the sight of you, right? You honestly look like you work out a lot more than just doing farm work. I can’t believe Dante broke up with you."

Dammit, was she flirting with me? "Dante didn’t get me. He wanted me for my abs and I put a lot of stock in the emotional side of relationships."

"I know," said Marissa. "It’s one of the things I really like about you. You never settle for shallow. You’re never less than serious about any relationship you have, romantic or not...I can’t count the number of times you’ve been there for me when I needed help."

"Why wouldn’t I be? You’ve been there for me nearly as often. That’s what friends are for, right?"

Marissa sighed. "Some people don’t seem to take that seriously. Some people call people their friends and then don’t help them much. Hard for me to understand. All I know is, I owe you – "

"Oh no you don’t. You’ve done so much for me. You could never owe me anything."

"Fine," said Marissa. "Then let’s say you could never owe me anything on a transactional basis. But what I owe you, as your best friend, is whatever support I can offer. You’re in bad shape. I’m here for you if you need to lean on me. Alright? You know I love you. I can’t just watch you fall apart in front of me."

THUMP-thump.

Oh God. She said it. She said it out loud.

I took a deep breath. "I love you too."

THUMP-thump.

Yep. This was real.

But what about the more carnal aspect? The one that, ten minutes ago, I had said didn’t exist? Was it real or just a fluke? I closed my eyes and thought of Marissa’s appearance. Gleaming eyes, adorable face, pretty lips, gentle hands...curves…

My eyes flew open.

"Mina? You still with me, babe?"

If I didn’t confirm this now I could never say I had any courage. I stood away from the door, turned around and covered my face with my hands. "Alright," I said, "you might as well get in here."

I heard the door opening, then Marissa’s laughter. "What are you doing? Are you blinded by my radiant beauty or something?"

I nodded without taking my hands away from my face.

"Oh," said Marissa, sounding surprised. "You – are you – "

"Give me a second to confirm," I said. I spread the fingers of one hand a little bit, letting me peek through.

There was Marissa, her gorgeous face all full of concern.

Something stirred in my loins once more.

I whirled around and realized the magazine wasn’t on the table anymore. I whirled back around and tried to grab for the magazine at the same time. I wound up on my ass.

Marissa laughed. "Among other things about you, I love your energy and exuberance."

"Shut up," I mumbled. I grabbed the magazine and flipped it open, trying to find the picture of the pretty woman again.

"There’s a really hot babe on page seventy-three," said Marissa. "Can I help? Can I take the magazine from you? There’s a lot of gorgeous ladies in there and my sister stole my copy of this issue."

"You have the entire internet if you want to find pictures to whack off to," I growled. I flipped to page seventy-three. Yes, there was the lady with the auburn hair. I stared at her. Nothing stirred in my nethers.

I looked up at Marissa. Who was bending over the magazine. In a manner that gave me everything I was trying to get from the pretty lady on the page. I squirmed.

Marissa finally tore her gaze away from the page and stared into my eyes.

THUMP-thump. Oh Jesus Christ, it was happening all at once. I slapped the magazine shut, making Marissa pout, which only made things worse for me. I hugged my knees to my face.

"Goodness," said Marissa, "it kind of looks like you are attracted to me." She put a hand on my knee. Whoops, now I was feeling even more squirmy. I scooted backward.

"Sorry," I said in a muffled voice. "Hard to deal with."

"So you’re bi?" said Marissa. "Damn, girl, why didn’t you tell me before? Of all people? How did I never notice this?"

"Because that’s not it!" I shouted. "I didn’t – I’m still not attracted to girls! I’m still hot for guys, barring one incredibly pretty exception!" I raised my head, expecting to see Marissa smirking at the information I had just let slip. But she was only looking curious. I slowly unfolded, sitting back against the bed.

Marissa sat back against the bed next to me. "Alright, dear friend of mine. I suppose I don’t need to ask how you’re feeling. Do you want to know how I’m feeling?”

I glanced at her. She was looking eager. “Go ahead.”

“My best friend is the hottest girl in school and now she’s made it clear that she’s attracted to me. I would be over the moon if this situation weren’t causing you so much trouble.”

“Excuse me?” I shook my head rapidly to clear my thoughts, just in case I had misheard. “Hottest girl in school? You’re talking about me?”

Marissa nodded.

“What the hell do you mean?”

“You think I wouldn’t be attracted to the butch girl?”

“I’m not butch!”

“Uh-huh,” said Marissa, clearly not buying it. “And how many leather jackets do you own?”

“Only two!”

“And the short hair?”

“It’s easy to maintain!”

“And the aviator sunglasses that the teachers keep telling you to take off in class?”

“I don’t want anyone to look into my eyes! Also they look cool.”

“And the muscles that would make a sculptor weep? Don’t try to deny it, I’ve seen you from behind with your shirt off. I’ve heard girls in the locker room whispering about your physique. Face it, you’re The Butch Girl. People are envious of me because they think I’m your girlfriend. They call us 'M and M' when they think I can't hear.”

“They – oh jeez.” I clutched my skull with my hands. “Jesus Christ.”

“But if we’re being honest here,” continued Marissa, “there’s a reason I led with the fact that you’re my best friend.” She clambered over, knelt before me and locked her gaze with mine. “I would love you to the ends of the earth, Mina, even if you were the most hideous person in all of creation.”

THUMP-thump. “Um – “

“You are my best friend, Mina. You’ve always looked out for me. Like in the 7th grade when the math teacher wanted to fail me and you yelled at her.”

“Didn’t that land us both in detention and you got failed anyway?”

“But then the Principal reversed the failing grade when my mom heard about the incident and complained to him, so I credit you with my salvation there. Then there was the 8th grade when one of the guest speakers said I was going to hell for being gay and you slapped him.”

“I almost got expelled for that one.”

“But it wasn’t hitting a fellow student or a teacher,” said Marissa. “So you only got suspended.”

“That was the month where you almost flunked out of school because you kept skipping to see me.”

“We’ve both been foolish in our youth,” said Marissa. “And yet – has it not always been in the service of each other?”

“My sworn duty!” I sat up straight and saluted in mock seriousness, causing both of us to collapse in fits of giggles. 

“And you were there for me when my mother died,” said Marissa.

My laughter dried up in an instant. 

“Dad didn’t do anything besides sit on the couch and stare at the television,” said Marissa. “It was good that the neighbors brought us so much food, but they stopped after a while, the food ran out, Dad could only bother to make us cold stuff from a can…come on. You know this story. Finish it.”

“I only cooked for you a few times!” 

“And you think cooking was all you did for me? You saw our distress, you made it clear I wasn’t alone, you made it clear we weren’t alone. You even gave me basic pointers about chopping food and using a frypan. I started cooking for myself because of you.”

“Okay,” I said, “the way you tell all these stories, I sound like a firebrand and a gallant knight.”

“That’s how I see you, yes.”

I grinned. “That’s hardly fair, my dear. You’ve been there for me just as often. As I recall, you were the one who argued to the Principal that my attack on the guest speaker was technically within school rules.”

“I do remember him giving me a long hard stare.”

“I can always count on you to help me with my Spanish homework.”

“As I can always count on you to help me with math.”

“You introduced me to most of my friends. I don’t think my social circle would have existed if I hadn’t been following you into yours. I might still be confused about how to operate around anyone besides you.”

“It’s good practice to have,” said Marissa, “in case we must go our separate ways. Kind of like you teaching me how to cook.”

“Separate ways?”

“Anything is possible,” said Marissa, not meeting my eyes. “If we grow apart, someday –”

“Impossible,” I said. “I would never leave you. I could never.”

“But that’s the thing,” said Marissa. “What if, for whatever reason, letting me go was the best thing you could do for me?”

“I –”

“I’ll put it another way,” said Marissa, meeting my eyes once more. “You’ve proved yourself a gallant knight in my defense. Suppose…suppose some ethereal princess in a distant mystical realm heard of your bravery, and knew you were the one above all others who could save her realm from destruction. Suppose I could not follow. Do you think I would not let you go, to fulfill your glorious destiny?”

“It would suck major ass without you,” I said. “Wouldn’t be worth it. Also can you give me a more realistic example?”

“Okay fine,” said Marissa. “We’re both going away to college eventually –”

“Let’s go back to the mystical realm.”

“We are both going to college eventually,” said Marissa, “which means that we will be making choices about who we are and what work we wish to do, this time without each other. It is extremely unlikely that even you and me would do well to attend the same college together.”

“That’s still a few years away.”

“A year and a half,” said Marissa. “We must consider our options and our desires now, lest we be herded into a poor choice for the sake of dubious prestige. I wish to be a chef. What will you be?”

I glanced out the window, seeing the spring leaves waving in the gentle breeze, a bird alighting on a branch, a steady drip of water from above the window… “Dangit,” I muttered. “Gutter’s leaking again. Wait here and I’ll fix it.”

“Ah ha,” said Marissa. “You can leave me after all.”

“Never for long,” I said. “Unless you want to see some boring housework, I’ll be back soon.” I rose, and, with heroic effort, refrained from looking back as I left the room.

It took me more than a minute to get out the door. I found myself in the living room staring out the window, thinking about how Marissa and I had met, in that fateful mud puddle in 6th grade. I tore myself away from that thought, marched to the back door, and found myself with my hand on the handle, thinking about what sort of dream house I would build her. I thumped my forehead against the door, twisted the handle and threw the door open.

Will was there in the backyard, looking up at the dripping water. “You sort things out with your girl?”

“Working on it.” I marched to the garage, grabbed the door handle, and shoved the door upward in the way that Dad always told me threatened to rattle some of the wheels loose. I didn’t care. It was a day for getting rough with inanimate objects.

As I was exiting the garage with the ladder, Will pointed to the leak. “You’re gonna need more than that, sis. This isn’t a gutter problem. Look.”

I looked. The dripping water was coming from one of the exposed pipes. I groaned.

“Duct tape?” said Will.

I gave him a look. “You know nothing about plumbing. I know everything about it. Give me a minute.” I marched back into the house, thinking of how much money me and Marissa could save because I actually knew what I was doing with plumbing. I grabbed the plumber’s toolkit and thought about how I ought to go to school to be an electrician so I could take care of that too. I marched up the stairs thinking about how I could do carpentry as a hobby.

I threw open the door and saw Marissa standing there, facing the field behind the house, her skin fairly glowing in the sunlight, and the sudden heat in my nether regions caused me to drop the toolkit with a loud clatter. Marissa jumped and whirled around, looking as flustered as I felt.

I went over to her, gave her a little squeeze on the shoulder, and said, “Excuse me one minute.” Then I marched over to Will, got up in his face, and muttered, “Did you invite her down here?”

Will looked genuinely innocent. “She came down on her own. All I said to her was that it would be better for her to wait in the sunlight where you could notice her instead of hiding in the shadows like a shy kid.”

“Dammit Will!”

“Look, just go ahead and impress her with your mighty plumbing skills.”

“You bet I will. Help me with the ladder?”

“I hate dealing with that thing. Ask your partner in crime.”

“She’s got noodle arms!”

“Had,” said Marissa. “I couldn’t stand being a weakling compared to you and your brother. Will is letting me use his weight set while he’s away at college. Mutter less loudly, dear.”

I glared at Marissa, then at Will. “Dear brother mine, are you trying to play matchmaker?”

“I’m trying to help my little sister sort her shit out,” said Will. “Now get moving.”

Marissa and I got the ladder set up, and I ascended, toolbox in one hand, held out at such an angle that I could display my apparently attractive arms. Which made it a bit heavier, but hey, anything for my girlfr – 

I almost dropped the toolbox as I realized what I was thinking.

Put that thought aside. I set the toolbox on a ledge, flipped it open, grabbed a set of clamps, and got to work. 

Twenty minutes later, it was all done. Clamped and repaired, an excellent patch job, well done Mina, drinks all around. I was about to descend triumphantly to my beloved when the pipe erupted with a burst of water right in my face. 

And then I realized that I had reared backward just a bit too far. And someone below was screaming my name. I flailed for the ladder rung, smacked my hand on it, and tipped backward further, into open air, my stomach lurching as I accelerated toward the unforgiving earth below. Welp. This was goodbye. I had a good run. I was an excellent girlfriend without realizing that was what I was. Marissa would have to figure out how to live without me after all. 

I came to a sudden stop that drove the breath out of my lungs, then found myself rising into the air. The second time I came to a sudden stop the impact was lesser. I rose into the air again. This went on twice more before I finally came to a rest.

I groaned, and sat up, slightly dizzy. My sitting surface wobbled a bit. The trampoline? How had it – 

I found myself wrapped in familiar arms. Familiar, powerful arms. The girl had been working out when I hadn’t noticed. Marissa didn’t say a word, but softly wept into my shoulder, adding a bit more water to the gentle rain coming down from the broken pipe above.

I looked up. Will was on the phone with someone. “Hey,” I called, “thanks for the save. Weird as it was.”

“Don’t thank me,” said Will. “I was going to catch you in my arms. Your girlfriend dragged the trampoline over in time. Probably a better idea, catching you from that height would have hurt both of us. That was Mom on the phone, by the way. I told her what happened. She’s going to notice this fiasco one way or the other.”

I winced. Then I turned my gaze to the girl embracing me, and returned the embrace. “Thanks for the save.”

Marissa sniffled. “Noodle arms indeed.”

“I rescind my derogatory insinuation,” I said. “And I guess we don’t owe each other a single thing now, eh?”

“Except to figure out how we want to handle the future,” said Marissa, “whether together or apart. I assume you will be going to some manner of vocational school for plumbing.”

I looked up at the leaking pipe that I had turned into a fountain. “Maybe that and electricity, if I can do both. But yeah. I finally met my match here.”

“You met her in the sixth grade,” said Will.

“Stuff it!”

“He’s probably right,” murmured Marissa. “I haven’t ever met anyone who clicks with me like you do. That’s going to make college harder, isn’t it? If you love someone you have to let them go, but I don’t want to let you go.”

“I think you need to,” I said, “or I’ll never get off this trampoline.”

Marissa laughed, and released me, flopping over to lay by my side. 

“So you don’t mind my incredibly weird sexual orientation?” I said. 

“Ah.” Marissa sat up. “Let’s talk about that somewhere less wet, shall we?” She took my hand and dragged me off the trampoline. We dragged the thing back to its proper place and then sat down in the shade of the spreading oak tree, arm in arm.

For a while we lay with our backs against the trunk, saying nothing, only enjoying the cool breeze of late spring. It was a perfect day, even better with Marissa here with me. But I had to say something eventually. “So you…clearly don’t mind my odd orientation.”

“How odd is it?” said Marissa. “Mina, may I ask you a rather personal and potentially embarrassing question?”

“None better to ask than you.”

“What sort of…material…do you, um…”

“You want to know what’s in my Spank Bank.”

Marissa nodded.

“You’re right, that is a very personal question.”

“Sorry.”

“So personal that I might not even tell a spouse.”

“Understandable.”

“But for you, my dearest, I will tell you. In a second.” I sat up a bit and shouted to Will, who was standing in the driveway. “Brother, please go inside, this is a private conversation!”

“Out of earshot!” shouted Will. “I have to steer mom away before she starts in with her opinions about you two, anyway.”

“Can’t you do it farther along the driveway then?”

“Fair enough.” Will walked forward, past the side of the house and out of sight.

“You really don’t have to answer this question,” said Marissa. “Not even for me.”

“No I’m gonna. Here goes. Ahem: I’ve got at least a hundred steamy fanfics bookmarked and a bunch of romances checked out from the library at any given time.”

“I did wonder about those,” said Marissa. “So that’s it? Stories? No pictures?”

“I’m in it for the relationship,” I said. “Can’t get aroused without that. Bleh. I have no idea how anyone else beats off to random pictures of people they know nothing about.”

“And have you ever actually been aroused by the picture of that J-Pop guy in your room?”

“Kinda? I mean he’s a sight to look at –”

“Did you ever think of buying another poster?”

“Why would I? I love Sasuke Saito’s tragic love affair with the members of his singing group. Gets me every time. Nothing like it.”

“Do you know how many posters of hot guys most heterosexual girls have in their rooms?”

“One? Having more than one seems a little unfaithful, really. Unless I was going to tell a story about the men in those posters already being in love –”

“They usually have more than a few,” said Marissa. “And they don’t need stories to get them excited. When they talk about hot boys it’s about their bodies. Do you know how many times I’ve heard you talk like that?”

“I can’t recall doing so.”

“Bingo. I don’t think you’re actually into guys.”

“But they’re so nice to look at!”

“Are you sure it’s not just for their outfits?”

“No no, I like the muscles and stuff too.”

“And what about girls?”

“Also nice to look at. Pretty girls are so pretty. Like you.”

Marissa chuckled. “I am that, yes. I am glad to see that someone has good taste. Now, I could ask you another personal question, regarding how much ahem intimate physical activity ahem you’ve done with the boys you’ve dated. But I know the answer is almost zilch, because you told me. So here’s another personal question. How much did you get up to with Zach in 9th grade?”

Oh goodness, that lad. So lovely, so lively, so driven, so into me. For a few months I had fancied he could join me and Marissa in steadfast friendship. I had felt strange things for him, things that were easier to understand now. “I think we managed one evening of kissing before he got hit by a bus and died.”

“The whole school mourned. But none more than you. You almost got into a real relationship with him, didn’t you?”

“Almost. It still hurts.”

“I’m sorry I brought it up,” said Marissa. “But here’s my point – I think what gets you going is emotional connection.”

“You mean…”

“You’re in love with twue wove.”

“You make the whole thing sound really sappy.”

Marissa chuckled. “From the perspective of an outsider? It might seem that way. But I think it’s sweet. I think you’re sweet.” She gave me a peck on the cheek.

Goodness, my face felt hot all of a sudden. Marissa laughed. “You turn the most delightful shade of red, honey, did you know that?”

“I’ve never had the opportunity to blush in front of a mirror.”

Marissa grinned. “That gives me some ideas…”

“Good heavens, ma’am, take me out to dinner first!”

“Haven’t we done that a bunch of times already?”

I thought back to the sheer amount of allowance money I had spent on dining at Cluckee’s Chicken with her. “Let’s make it a real date this time. Something formal. Something official.”

“Fair enough.” Marissa sighed contentedly and lay her head against my shoulder. “You know, I’m just slightly glad for your odd orientation.”

“Hm?”’

“It means you won’t cheat on me.”

“Oh come now,” I scoffed. “I could form an emotional connection with a co-worker you don’t know about and then oh dear I’ve fallen in love with them. It could happen.”

“That is true. On the other hand, it’s you we’re talking about. You’d be in agonizing torment over the whole thing and then you’d break down and tell me everything.”

“You know me too well. What about you, though? You joke a lot about being hot for the pretty ladies?”

Marissa raised an eyebrow. “You don’t know how many girls I’ve dated?”

“Uh –”

“Officially, zero. Technically one, in the seventh grade, but that was for three days and then I said to her that it wasn’t going to work because she wasn’t you.”

I hissed through my teeth. “You must have broken her heart.”

“Nah, she told me she was surprised I hadn’t said that on the first day.”

“Oh my God. Everyone has been seeing it since the beginning. Why did no one ever say anything?”

“They were taking bets on how long it would take us to figure it out on our own.”

“Son of a – was Dante in the betting pool?”

“There were side bets on how long it would take you to dump each guy you dated.”

“Jesus Christ!”

“The point is,” continued Marissa, “there’s genuinely never been anyone for me but you. And that’s that.”

“Well gosh darn,” I said. “That’ll make college harder for both of us, in some ways. But when we come back…you want to be a chef or something? Maybe we open a bistro, you run the kitchen and I’ll handle all the maintenance?”

“A capital idea,” said Marissa. “But that’s a few years away, methinks. As for here and now…now that we know what we are to each other…I think there’s something we could do to make this relationship official.”

“Friendship bracelets?”

She snorted. “Little more mature that than, dear.” She reached over and tapped my lips with her finger.

THUMP-thump.

Oh.

Oh goodness.

“You’ve turned red again,” said Marissa. “Is that a no?”

“Give me a minute.” I closed my eyes, took a few deep breaths, and let my heart settle. Then I opened my eyes and looked directly into Marissa’s eager gaze. “Alright. Ready when you are.”

Marissa extricated her arm from behind me, and rolled over to straddle my hips. She captured my lips with hers and I wrapped my arms around her.

It’s a little silly to judge one couple’s kisses against that of another, so I can’t say with honesty that this was one of the top five kisses in history. Nor can I say that it’s the best kiss I ever had – Marissa and I would take some practice to figure out how to do it just the way we liked, and then it was fireworks every time. But I can say that it was, up to that point, the best kiss I had ever had.

And also the best kiss Marissa had ever had, technically, because it was her first. She always says it’s in the top five of her favorites.

When it was over, we rested there in the shade of the oak tree, wrapped in each other’s arms, not really caring anymore what either of my parents would say when they came home. They might give us advice, they might tell us we were being foolish and hasty and we should take a few years to think about this and play the field. They would probably tell us to stop with the romance and focus on our studies.

But I wasn’t about to listen to any of it. 

Sometimes life hands you a royal flush and you’d be a fool to fold.