Hello and welcome to the Overtime Biscuit Corporation Training Class
Today we will go over the big new nothing that makes this your job!
1. Always smile, even when there is Velveeta on your teeth.
2. Never talk, you personality could leak through and contaminate the ever changing supply of blank-faced new-hires.
3. If someone says something negative, scream to block out the words and get under the nearest table.
4. If they get under the table to finish their sentence, distract them with mace.
5. If you find that you must socialize, pick the Boring Guy. You can not get in trouble for speaking to him. He is impossible to corrupt and he will not let you get a word in.
6. Do not wear distracting footwear! No boots or solid, comfortable shoes! Women’s shoes should consist of a thin slice of felt and staples plus a high heel. This should all stay put by way of a strap that winds around the leg. Men’s shoes should be very shiny and hard and not at all bendy at the toe. Wincing will remind you that you are gainfully employed!