Long ago, my one real sister decided that she'd never again be a part of my family. She married some guy,
went thousands of miles away with him, and stopped communicating with us. Due to her decision to leave,
my family must deal with the void all alone and can only speculate on why she did what she did.
Over time, I have accumulated two surrogate sisters. And they are a wonderful way for me to cope with issues left over from the sister I lost.
In college I befriended a nice girl who lived near me on campus. After a year of being friends, we had a few dates. I developed romantic feelings for her, but she didn't do the same towards me. She did like spending time with me though, and still liked me. She still felt that I was a good person who deserved to be treated with kindness. And since she's a great person who is very mature and who genuinely cares about other's feelings, she instantly agreed to meet me for coffee and talk to me when I first asked why we couldn't date anymore. I can't really explain why, but since she showed that concern for my feelings I didn't feel rejected to the point that it hurt. I didn't even cry over her. In no way did I feel bad. I just said "Okay" and smiled. Over the next few years as she and I both went through other relationships we kept in touch as much as we had before we dated. And in the exact same way.
In fact, over time, my friendship with Becky just kept getting better and better. As we both started and stopped relationships with other people, we always turned to each other for advice and for a shoulder to cry on whenever we needed one. We shared sad stories from our pasts. We shared jokes that made us both laugh. She forwarded me beautiful poems that made us both cry from their beautiful sentiments. I truly love her now like a sister. I know that on nights like this one, when I feel sad and lonely and unloved, I can call her for help. When she asks how I'm doing, I don't lie. I tell her if I feel bad. I tell her how bad I feel, and then she cheers me up. And she relies on me the same way. And sometimes when she whispers secrets to me over the phone, I can just see her scanning around her apartment to make sure her live-in boyfriend is too far away to hear them.
A little over a year ago, during a time when I was single, I tried several times to fantasize about her as I laid awake in bed. I was exploring what exactly my feelings for her were. But I never could go through with it. She's much more than just a friend to me, but in a very sisterly way. And it always felt wrong. So I don't bother with those thoughts anymore.
Another friend of mine -- this cool girl I used to hang out with all the time and get really drunk with whenever I needed to relieve some stress -- is also like a sister to me. My first instinct when meeting her was to try dating her. But neither of us really liked each other enough to do that. Instead, she too became an incredibly good friend who also seems like a sister. She's had a very eventful love life, going in and out of random relationships with random guys. And she had a wild past full of parties. Even though Alita is exactly the same age as me, she seems like an older, wiser sister. And since her past often mirrors the lives of the melodramatic girls I tend to date, her insights are very useful to me. And it seems like she thrives upon helping me, as though I fill a void in her life since she never ever had any brothers. And so on nights like tonight, I can always count on her meeting me for some coffee and cigarettes in a little cafe downtown where she'll hear my problems. And since she cares about me and sees the good in me, I always get the exact mix that I need of support and brutal honesty.
I love all of my sisters, whether they're literally my sister or not. Even though I value all of my friendships very much, and even though I still love my real sister, I know I'd be nothing without my two honorary sisters. They have given me back what my real sister took away from me.
If I hadn't fucked up so much, I can think of someone else who could've made a really great third surrogate sister. But that sounds sorta stupid to say that right now.