Here's a little song that I wrote. Think of it as being sung to pop or upbeat music played by They Might Be Giants or some other similar band.
My little zygote
You're the craziest little thing
I can't wait to take you home
When you're born this spring!
They may call you a diploid cell
You've got some of hers, and my family line
Ever since that crazy little sperm fertilized that egg
I've just called you mine!
My little zygote
I wonder what you'll be.
Will you play baseball, football, or even curling?
Or will you play the coolest sport and go out for hockey?
Will you be an accountant or musician
Or something in between?
All I know for sure
Is you're the cutest little zygote I've ever seen!
OK, I can't really see you
I'm sorry that I lied.
But I'm sure glad you're here
And I didn't use that spermicide!
My little zygote
Will you grow up to fight fires?
Or do a goofy secret agent film
And be funnier than Mike Myers?
Will you be more like Homer
Or Bart, Lisa or Marge?
Will you be skinny like Moe
Or like Barney and grow real large?
My little zygote
You'll be multicellular soon.
But don't grow up to darn fast!
Or I'll have to end this tune.
Will you watch those reality shows?
I wonder if they'll even last.
Will you get a makeover on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy?
Or will you be a member of Queer Eye's cast?
Will you get on Survivor
Or maybe that Joe Millionaire?
If you get on Big Brother, though
I don't think anybody will care.
My little zygote
You're the craziest little thing
I can't wait to take you home
When you're born this spring
Will you be strong?
Will you be weak?
Will you be a bully or bullied?
Will you have Brittany's or Arnold's physique?
My little zygote
I hope you're never lost at sea
Without a boat, a light, or motorcar
And not a single luxury.
I wonder if you'll be in radio
And be the coolest cat on the air
Or be on Jerry Springer barin' your breasts
Or hittin' somebody with a chair?
Will you get on Survivor
Or maybe that Joe Millionaire
Or will you be on a Star Trek show
And sit in that wacky captain's chair?
If you ask me, I guess, it's pretty much up in the air.
My little zygote
You're the craziest little thing
I can't wait to take you home
When you pop out of that beautiful oven this spring!
Oooooh, I can't wait to take you home this spring!