based on Poisoning Pigeons in the Park
by Tom Lehrer
and arising from a discussion on the effect of feeding a seagull with bread concealing a lump of sodium, on a Welsh beach.
time, Autumn time,
Winds are blowing and life is fine.
I think the loveliest
time of them all is the fall, I do.
Don't you? Course you do!
But there's one thing that makes Autumn right for me,
And makes seaside trips a delight for me...
As the waves kiss
the shore there's one thing I adore
I love murdering seagulls on the beach.
And I kick through the sand
, with my wife, hand in hand
As we murder the seagulls on the beach.
When they dive for our lunch
, they won't see the sodium
But they 'll soon feel the punch
when the sarnies
explode in 'em.
The sun's on the spray, it's a wonderful day,
When we're murdering seagulls on the beach.
This grim occupation
has proved a sensation in,
This chapel-going nation I must say.
We've had an ovation for assassination
They say mutilation
like this is okay.
Oh, it's popular and it's quite lea-gal,
To blast the wings off of a seagull!
So if you think it's neat
, then we'll arrange a meet,
To go murdering seagulls on the beach.
And maybe we'll burn up a shag
or a tern
While we murder
the seagulls on the beach.
We'll do them all in from Llangrannog to Cardigan
Have a few beer
s then to Fishguard to start again.
The score will be going up with each seabird blowing up
Whatever the weather
- we'll see raining feathers
And murder the seagulls on the beach.