She softly looked at the recently-activated cell phone
in her hand and sighed, her finger
resting on the send button with Adam's phone number flashing in the tiny, lit screen. She slumped a little, in her cross-legged position on the cold
floor. In the bleak
darkness, she was still undecided about what to do. The little green
light on her VCR
blinked on and off and on again, illuminating her pale face as Savage Garden
played in her Discman which was hooked up to an old pair of computer speaker
s, the red
power light staring at her.
A sudden streak of courage
hit her and she pushed the "send" button and stared at the screen for a moment before bringing the small phone to her ear....she heard it ring once....
Then the sound of someone picking up.
"Is anyone there...? Hello?"
"Muralasa? Is that you?"
"Wow, I'm surprised you called...I didn't think you would...ever."
"I figured I needed to."
"You really surprise
me a lot, Muralasa."
myself more, I can bet."
"Why would you bet?"
"Maybe I shouldn't have called..."
"Yes, you should have."
"Maybe it was just silly of me."
"I've never seen you as silly."
"I don't think you've ever seen ME."
"Of course I have, I see you every day
In the background of the fading conversation
, a new song came through the stillness and the dark broke like the ice
shattering from a frozen heart
, and through the dismal night came a painful relating of lyrics
to life...*"I would like to visit you for a while/ Get away and out of this city
/ Maybe I shouldn't have called but someone had to be the first to break
." The words slammed into her and stayed, and you could hear her heart melt
across the country, like snow in angry hand
"I wanted to call you..."
"Of course you did, or you wouldn't have called at all."
"Yes, I would have..."
"How can you be so sure?"
"I think I know myself a little...enough to know that I'd have called anyway."
"I needed to."
"I need to apologize."
"For hurting you."
"It is not alright...I need to apologize."
" 'Being in love
means never saying you're sorry...' you said that to me once."
"Did I? I don't think I remember."
"Maybe you're afraid to remember."
"Afraid? Yes, I think I am."
"...Not the response I wanted."
"Do I ever give you what you want?"
The song echoed within her ears and in her lonely room...lights chased each other around the walls of her room as lonesome car
s droned by...each with a warm family
to go home
to...*"I'll be courageous if you can pretend that you've forgive
"I should go now."
"Yeah, I don't think I should have called...."
*"So maybe I shouldn't have called,/ Was it too soon to tell? / Oh, what the Hell.../ It doesn't really matter."
"Of course you should have, Muralasa..."
"I'll always lo..."
And then the battery
in the cell phone
died, and the girl in the darkness dropped it to the floor, breaking into sobs. She knew she'd never get the courage
to call back, and so the conversation remained unfinished.
"Muralasa never was my real name...."
*"How do you redefine something that never really had a name?" And then the music
*** Lyrics by Savage Garden