In my country, the fluctuation of meth prices
vary drastically. It can go from about US$68 per gram
to about US$136 per gram in a matter of weeks. On the fateful
week of my overdose the price was at the low end of the spectrum and that coupled with readily available funds I went ahead and bought myself 2 grams
. Oh joy!
I thought as I looked at the big plastic sachet filled with corn kernel sized chunks of beautiful glass
The taste test proved that it was of extremely good quality and I really only needed a little to get to that special feeling of euphoria. It was also enough to keep me wired for 48 hours with absolutely no desire for sleep or food. A fiend (sic) who was also a friend came over and he bought about half a gram and we smoked the other half. When I have I share. Fiends being what they are, usually go off and trip out elsewhere, I rarely let them hang out for too long as they mess up my place.
I was alone now, and judging from how clean it burned in our tin foil tracks and the taste, was in possession of one whole gram of what could most possibly be uncut methamphetamine.
I thought, hey I'll chase the dragon a few more times, I've got heaps left anyway. And so I did. And being the frugal person that I am, I scraped off any and all the residue I could get out of our paraphernalia and promptly snorted it.
Yes, Yes, Yyyyyyyyyyes!
Hmmmm, I still have a good amount left in my vial, you see, I transfer it from the baggies to vials for easier access and to lessen the chance of the chunks getting crushed as having big chunks to show off is a big thing here for a abuser/dealer like myself.
With no more tinfoil in sight and being too lazy and paranoid to go to the store to buy a roll, I haven't slept for three days by now, I decided to just empty out a gel cap, fill it with everything I had left and pop it. Of course I also made sure to take my heart medication as I have elevated blood pressure and to take my medication for cyclothymia, did I fail to mention that I also once was diagnosed for schizo affective disorder, psychosis, manic-depressive disorder, and eventually clinical depression? I know my drugs and I know how to handle it, or so I thought.
About 20 minutes after popping the pill I started to feel dizzy and felt this need to get back into bed which I thought was extremely odd as I just had a massive dose of a CNS stimulant. But thinking maybe my body just really wanted to sleep. I layed down on my bed.
The next thing I felt was having the chills, having visuals I looked around and saw that the walls were melting and though the walls were painted a plain off white it suddenly had vague patterns of shadows of things I could not make out which floated and moved. The floral pattern on the curtains started to move and float. I pulled the drapes, the sunlight blinded me. I looked at my hairy arms, the hair moved like sea anemone in a light current, my skin looked like it had tiny bugs crawling underneath it, my palms were so white. I thought I looked pale but was too helpless to look at the mirror to see, besides my perception was so twisted by now it would not have mattered.
I was scared.
Never have I been this scared before in my entire life.
My breathing was shallow and labored. I consciously had to take deep long breaths as I knew that all of these symptoms had something to do with oxygen starvation of my vital organs.
I also took the effort to stay as still as I could and just let my body cool off and settle down.
I fumbled for my wrist watch, and took my pulse rate, it was freaking out at 107 bpm. I thought, this is it, this is how I will die, in my bed at 11 am in the morning, in a weird kind of fetal position with blankets all over myself and my arms tightly clutching my pillows. My face a contorted grimace of pain, pleasure, and utter confusion. I actually wanted to just die then and there, I thought how bad could it be, a CVA, a heart attack, a stroke would be swift sweet death. It will happen one day anyway, this day is just as good as any. Don't get me wrong, I am no longer depressed, it's just that I already have come to face my mortality and accept that one day I will die.
My pulse rate was way off the charts and though I did not have a sphygmomanometer handy, I knew that my blood pressure was too. Although I was feeling cold, little did I know that my body temperature was rising fast and could have easily reached 41-42 degrees Celsius. Normal human body temperature of 98 degrees Fahrenheit is just 37 degrees Celsius.
I was nauseated, my head was aching, I was so disoriented and dizzy and my thoughts were all getting jumbled up. I needed some iced tea. Ever so slowly getting up in an intoxicated stupor I slow motion walked to the fridge and took a sip, little relief. I wet my face and head, I was BURNING UP! The whole time I was feeling cold and burrowing under blankets I was actually having a fever that could easily have put me into a convulsion.
An hour later, things got a bit better. I could walk a bit more normally now but still with a rather odd gait. The first chance I got to look at a mirror showed myself that my pupils were dilated so much they were like the size of dimes. Going to class in this condition was out of the question.
I am very happy that I am alive this morning, a day after my OD, writing this if not in my best command of the language. I have been abusing meth for exactly ten years now and despite of the possibly near death experience I had just 24 hours ago, I already feel the craving for some meth again. The addiction is really strong. I will fight this thing. I yet don't know how or how difficult it will be, but such is life.
If you are doing meth, I have no beef with that, it is a good recreational and therapeutic drug, hell they give it to kids in the form of desoxyn in the USA even. I just hope that you know your limits better and read a lot about harm reduction and always have a friend you can call who can come to your aid should it come to that. We don't have 911 here. For those in the USA, they are lucky to have 911.
Today, I will treat myself and my family to a good fine dining meal. Money is better spent there than on more crystal. I have so much potential, and this is not just a delusion of grandeur, I have been told it is so by so many people already and they always say that I should not be so much of an underachiever. Hell I took the MENSA test and got a 90 percentile rank, one needs a 98 percentile rank to be accepted.
I am curious about the world, I read a lot, in fact I can converse with most anybody from any walk of life, from any field of study and hold my own.
Meth has helped me at times, but more often than not it has caused me to stumble and fall. I know I need help and now I am going to get it.