Merciless Beatings: $5
That is what is printed on a sign that now hangs on door to the fishbowl I work in. Is the final blow in a running gag involving a Mazda Miata, a Tire Iron and President of the company.
The story is:
The boss of my workplace was out on lunch, just driving back to the office. He stopped at a crosswalk to let a bunch of school kids cross. A car behind him of unnamed manufacture didn't pay attention to the fact that he was moving at a high rate of speed and my boss wasn't. He slammed the brakes, but it was too late.
This guy is now furious. He vacates his auto and runs toward my boss and starts shouting several colourful adjectives at him and insulting his lineage. When my Boss-man points out the fact that he was stopped at a crosswalk in a school zone, this guy gets more furious then that time Imelda Marcos was told she missed the sale at the Payless Shoe Source; he runs back to his auto and retrieves a wheel removal tool and starts wielding it like a pirate cutlass.
This has the unfortunate effect of causing said tool to connect with the chest of the the Prez, breaking a few ribs.
Some time after that, our boss stumbles though the door and announces that he's taking the next few days off. We say (sarcasticly) that this is unfair -- just because he gets beaten he gets to go home? We want to go home too!
"Who here wants to leave early?"
** People raise their hands **
"Okay, line up here. Merciless Beatings will be given for a Five Dollar gratuity."