Hello from Friend Behr who has been receiving very informative lectures from new friend Undead Enrico Fermi, who I have taken to routinely (as in a routine) calling Rico. This reminds me of the Barry Manilow song from the 70s about Rico and the showgirl. Good stuff. Worth a listen. Check it out. Can't remember what it is called but you can use the "Internet" to look it up or perhaps there are new learnings on everything2 brand website that will give information on this and other topics you are interested in. You are DEFINITELY interested in listening to that song.

Rico's lessons are informative and he is what I would call an inspiring teacher. We need to give teachers more support and money in this land (I am pandering here - as Rico tells me as he reads over my shoulder like a VULTURE - he is most interested in the learnings available at everything2 website). He has told me many things about the science called "physics" which you pray tell have heard about on the subway. I doubt a single one of you has any idea about physics so I suggest you go to Hades and retrieve a physicist from beyond the grave. It is recommended (by me) to do this. You can't just dig them up and try to "reanimate" them - that is stupid - you must go to Hades and bring them back here. Go ahead. I'll wait.

Are you back? Who did you get?

Because of my new time travel capabilities (only within my lifetime), Rico has been teaching me theories involving "physics" (which involves animals) and helping me to apply them to my time travel missions. My first resulted in tragic errors that Rico said forced him to make "atom bombs" to stop the troubles in Japan that resulted from my killing the communist leader of Germany in 1932. I also had sex with him (as a woman) and it was very, very, very satisfying. He had a cock like an ox. Something to see for sure. Probably how he got to be in charge. No one says no to a cock like that I promise you. Because I changed history you have no idea what I am talking about, so we will move on.

On my next mission I have explained to Rico that I would like to go back to 1975 and prevent the election of Jimmy Carter so that he doesn't make disco the national anthem like he did in 1977. That was bad. We can do better. Gerald Ford had ideas and a big forehead.

I also have ideas, but it appears that Rico, who is operating in both the "Al" and "Gushy" roles (those were the names of the former job-holders) so as to save money. Plus, you don't have to pay anyone you rescue from Hades. They legally become your slave. I now LITERALLY own Enrico Fermi's ass and can do as I please with it. You can't get that kind of action at the Dollar Store, I promise your lame skinny worthless as that. Indeed. Have a cheeseburger, you skank. Jesus.

Have a headache right now, probably from time travel, which "swiss cheeses your brain" I am told. With my substantial current mental and emotional instability I doubt this will work out in anyone's favor but it must be done to fix problems in time.

I am going to eat some curly fries from Arbys, which I am now a commercial spokesperson for and so I am giving them a "plug" here. Go get you some Arbys. Put some meat on those skanky as hell bones of yours. Ugh.

My friends.

I was reading His mother is slowly killing him. and it reminded me of my trip to London.

I was there for a few days visiting my sister, but spent a day by myself just wandering the streets, as I like to do. I was near a major train station, with a thousand bikes, mopeds and motorbikes parked near the entrance, it reminded me a little of the Moscow international train station that I lived near (Kievskiy Vokzal), too many people, too much noise and not enough greenery or fresh air.

Walking towards me was a mother with too many bags and children, she had a big pile of baggage stacked onto her stroller, three kids, and another one or two walking next to her. I can't recall how the kids fit in/on that stroller, except for the top one, she was sitting on top of all the baggage, about 3-4 feet above the ground. The lady seemed to be in a bit of a rush and a little frazzled, which, considering her situation wasn't surprising. She couldn't see over the stroller, and managed to run it straight into one of those useless 3 foot poles that European countries like to put in the most inconvenient places. The top bag toppled over, taking the 3-4yr old with it. The kid didn't get a chance to prepare, and as she was flying head first into the ground, I, without thinking (thankfully!) tried to catch her the best I could. It happened to be with my left hand, by her ankle.

Someone yelped, or made some sort of a commotion as this happened, so the next thing I know, there's a police officer or a security guard running up, and there I was, 6'4", slightly overweight bloke with a shaved head, massive scar on my head, wearing my bright red t-shirt that reads "Russia, all together" and holding an upside down toddler by her ankle at shoulder height.

I grabbed the kid by the arm and flipped her over, like I've done to my little brother a thousand times (yes, me carrying my little brother by his ankles wasn't uncommon), plonked her back onto solid ground, gave the mother a quick nod, looked at the cop to make sure he didn't think I had anything to do with this and kept walking without missing a beat.

It was glorious.

now go and read Nice names for stupid people

PS. Happy victory day!

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