Yesterday I did something very difficult. I really like this guy, we've been trading messages back and forth for a while, but he's busy and I felt neglected and insignificant. So I sent him a series of messages telling him that right now I needed friends more than a romantic interest. I still haven't heard from him. I'm not sure if I will, I'm dreading a non-response, but I still feel good about the effort. It's not fair to keep me hanging on like that. Busy is fine, communicate that to me, and be realistic about how much time you have to devote to a relationship. Doubtless I could have said things differently, but the thoughts remain the same. It was hard to send that, but I also feel a strange sort of peace settle over me. I'm worth more than a couple minutes a week.
I didn't go for a walk or a bike ride like I intended. Sometimes I get paralyzed by my own whirling thoughts. I didn't realize how anxious I was yesterday. I ate well, but I also devoured a bunch of cookies that I could have done without. I got a decent night's sleep which was nice. The girls are coming over today. My sister has invited us over for a hot dog roast. My brother offered to drive out and pick us up which was a wonderful Mother's Day surprise. I also received an email with some pictures of the girls, a couple of them have me in there with them. I'm really thin in my favorite picture which is inspiring and boosts my optimism. I got some fiction written yesterday. I'm still working on how to avoid the all or nothing approach to life, but I also did the dishes so I'm giving myself a little credit. Lots to do today so I'm making this short...