Yesterday was my daughter's birthday. Twelve years ago she was a
brand new face in my world, more beautiful than I thought a child of
mine would be. I've never considered myself particularly attractive, I
didn't want that for children of mine, which just goes to show how
shallow and silly I was back then. A grocery store in town periodically
sets up bulk bins of discount items. We were waiting for my
step-daughter to get out of work so I stood by a bin of books, flipping
through them to see if there was anything interesting. There were books I
wanted, but I didn't have the money to get anything so I waited.
Eventually the books went on sale, so I was able to get a lovely 257
page book on exploring natural habitats that I thought my daughter would
I didn't wrap the book because I don't believe in wasting gift bags
or wrapping paper. Instead I gave her the book as it was along with a
card. The book only cost four dollars, but fortunately my daughter
wasn't concerned about the price tag. She gave me a hug, I gave her one
back, and for that still close moment, we shared a bond. It's really
hard watching your children cry. Yesterday my daughter's older sister
said she was going to spend the day with her. My daughter cried off and
on for more than three hours when her sister didn't come to pick her up
after school. Yesterday I didn't give my step-daughter a ride to work.
She left me a note on the counter telling me when she needed to be at
work, but she didn't ask for a ride, and I thought to myself, this is a
good time to teach this girl a lesson.
We had a party on Saturday for the birthday girl. Most of my family
came to her soccer game. It was one of her worst, but we had a good time
chatting, and seeing her out there fills my heart because she's not
afraid of the ball or the much larger girls. I love her coach, and I'm
hoping that she will stick with it even though I doubt that she will.
Her older sister could have come, but chose not to citing needing to be
at work two hours later as the reason. Sunday morning my step-daughter
asked if I would be available to take her into work. When I asked when,
she looked at her feet, and said 'now'. I hadn't been planning on
another trip into town, dropping her off at work cut into my time to get
ready for church, so that evening, I thought to myself, she hasn't
asked for a ride home for work, I'm tired, and neither my step-daughter
nor my youngest did anything, even the chores they had been assigned to
help get ready for the party.
I've now taken the Love and Logic parenting class twice, and I'll
probably end up taking it a third time because changing old habits is
easier when you have a plan, and a system to work with. I bought myself a
new recipe book for my daughter's birthday. I've been taking better
care of myself, trying to get go of things I can't control. My husband
doesn't want to pay the premiums for our family insurance policy, so
he's letting it lapse. Last night he said he doesn't know how to shop
for insurance, and I could go into what was going on in my mind, what I
was thinking and feeling, but you can probably figure that out for
yourself. You can't argue with illogical people, so I decided to start
looking for a job that provides health insurance.
In therapy, I've been learning how to deal with passive aggressive
people. I have to do what I'm going to do regardless of what they do.
When my step-daughter smuggled in some Tide Pods, and Snuggle dryer
sheets, I liberated them. When she asked if I had seen them, I reminded
her of the fragrance free laundry soap conversation we had when she
first moved into the house that she lives in now. She said that she
thought I had recommended Tide, I knew I hadn't, so I shook my head
regretfully. I can tell that she's mad at me, but I'm really tired of
the kids acting like honored guests in this house. I'm sick and tired of
a lot of things, so I've been taking classes to help me reach some of
my new goals.
So far this year I've taken a parenting class, a class on finance, a
journaling class, that's easily been the most fun, and I've been going
to my therapist that I'll have to stop seeing due to a temporary lack of
funding. She has a cookbook I lent her, she has a lot of information on
health, exercise, mindfulness, and nutrition, and when I was talking to
her, I felt these tremendous bursts of amazingly creative energy.
Twitter has still been a way for me to connect with other people. A
neuropsychologist followed me the other day, so I introduced him to a
friend of mine who is a Welsh neuroscientist working for Mayo Clinic.
I'm happy that I was able to link these two together because I think
they'll have things in common, and that will make my timeline more fun
I found a job that I'm going to apply for. In the past I wouldn't
have been so confident of my abilities. The other day I read that you
are what you pretend to be. That helped me a lot, and as I tweeted to a
friend, people deserve the level of integrity and personality that I'm
able to bring to their account. Here's a tip for anyone who wants to
succeed in sales be interested in other people, do what you say you're
going to, recognize that there are times to back off, and times to
pounce on an opportunity, have expert advice, and the numbers will come.
I don't believe that sales is a numbers game, or a formula of so many
rejections before you close a deal. I believe it's about connecting with
those whose attitudes and philosophies are similiar to yours.
There's a lot more I could say, but I wanted to keep this short as I
have quite a few things I want to accomplish today. Last night I was
snuggling with my youngest on the top bunk of her bed when I fell
asleep. I woke up in the middle of the night, tried sitting up, and fell
onto the bed railing that I knocked over. As a result of my
carelessness, I'm sporting a few new bruises, and not able to do much
with my left arm. I'm thankful I didn't break anything, or hit my head. I
was worried about my daughter falling out of bed last night which
illustrates how pointless worry really is. I know this, and
yet I doubt this experience will stop me even as I move into healthier
Take care, love yourself, and refuse to put yourself, or anyone else down.