Or, If you took a shit, please put it back
I just got home from taking my girlfriend to Wal-Mart (she can never say I wouldn't slog through hell for her). As much as I loathe that hellhole, the scratch and sniff armpit of society, humourous things often happen when I go there, and today was no exception.
We were wandering the store, she taking her sweet time picking out what she wanted, and I bitching the entire time. After a time she tells me she's going to the restroom and needs me to keep an eye on the cart. I agree, so we go and I stand outside the restroom waiting for her. She's in there maybe three minutes, and when she comes out she has the weirdest look on her face.
"What's wrong?" I ask.
"It was weird," she says. "Someone took a dump in the middle of the floor."
Being the immature git that I am, I laugh uncontrollably, to which she says, "Oh Chris, grow up."
Of course I need to investigate, so I go in and sure enough, there is a steaming pile right in the middle of the floor, in front of the sink. If a person wasn't paying attention they would step right in it en route to a stall. This is a mystery indeed. How could someone do this? They could take the time to drop trou and pinch a neat loaf on the floor but they couldn't make the extra five steps to get to a stall? Of course there's always the possibility that someone is making a bold statement about Wal-Mart. I giggle some more and leave the restroom.
We get to the check out and it is evident that big news is afoot. The cashiers are talking to each other and snickering. There is one person ahead of us, and while our cashier rings him out another employee asks her what everyone was on about. She answers, as loudly as possible, "Some lady took a shit on the floor in the bathroom."
I bust out laughing again, as does the guy in front of us. My girlfriend just shakes her head and says, "Oh Chris, grow up."