Shake-zula, the mic rulah, the old skoolah
You wanna trip, I'll bring it to ya!

Master Shake is a character on the Williams Street/Cartoon Network show Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

He's a human-sized milkshake in a white, unbranded paper or styrofoam cup, complete with a plastic lid and a plastic straw. He has two large eyes, a mouth, and two hands (which are inexplicably yellow), but no arms -- the hands are fastened directly to the sides of the cup. He is of indeterminate age, although his behaviour seems to typify the average college-aged slacker. Like the other Aqua Teens, he lives in a two-bedroom house on Fairly Street in "South Jersey, NJ." His lone super-power is the ability to shoot green pistachio-flavored ice cream out of his straw. He has only done this a couple of times on the show, and whenever he does, the ice cream spray has a radius of only about half a foot.

Unlike the rest of the characters on the show, Shake is harder to describe as he doesn't seem to have any real interests or habits; he wanders through life, acting on the smallest of impulses, completely driven by ignorance and inflated self-worth. He considers himself the "leader" of the Aqua Teens (hence his "Master" title), despite the fact that he's an ignoramus and has to have even the most obvious details of any given situation spelled out to him (usually by Frylock) before he understands what's happening (and, even then, he often misses the point). His role seems to be, primarily, that of an alpha idiot. Even up against the likes of Meatwad or Carl, Shake is completely incompetent. In spite of all that, he's what makes the show so entertaining; he provides us with someone to look down our noses at, no matter our station in life; he's always getting himself into the most ridiculous situations imaginable. Like most truly incompetent people, he has a superiority complex.

In a large majority of the episodes of Aqua Teen in which he appears (i.e., all of them), Shake is frequently maimed, mutilated, killed, or in some kind of trouble, always as a boon of his staggeringly massive ignorance of all things. However, he always appears, unhurt and ready to try some other dumb scheme, in the next episode.

Here's an abridged list of some of the more interesting ways in which he has been hurt or killed:

  • Beaten severely with a tire iron by Carl, after he and Meatwad mowed Carl's lawn with gasoline and matches (Episode 6, Space Conflict from Beyond Pluto)
  • Hit by a speeding 18-wheeler truck after he was told to go out into the middle of the street with his eyes closed by Err (Episode 8, Revenge of the Mooninites)
  • Rendered paraplegic (seemingly in spite of his lack of natural arms and legs) after jumping off a cliff, convinced that he was one of the Highlanders; after that, the sword he was holding was struck by lightning while he was sitting in his wheelchair ("There can be only one!") (Episode 10, Dumber Dolls)
  • Bathed in toxic waste to gain super powers; works for a while (sort of), but then he starts melting (Episode 20, Super Hero)
  • Goes a bit overboard with cosmetic surgery; adds a huge nose, cheekbone implants, ass implants, eyelid reshaping, and eventually neon trim and skin tanning (nevermind that he doesn't have a pre-existing nose, or cheekbones, or an ass, or even skin). As a result, he ends up completely broken, and has to have his new nose moved to his ass to replace the skin that had been there, which was used as a donor site for his implants (Episode 23, Super Model)
  • Had his brain taken over by a tentacled alien named Travis, who is also kind enough to squirt acid on him, disintegrating one of his hands (Episode 24, Super Spore)
  • Got blown up by animatronic scorpions (along with the rest of the Aqua Teens and Zakk Wylde), then has to flee when Geddy Lee comes looking for him (Episode 32, Spirit Journey Formation Anniversary)
  • Burns styrofoam to keep warm, which leads to more toxic waste exposure, and litters the kitchen with uncooked chicken meat, which leaves he, Meatwad and Carl with severe cases of pink eye (Episode 40, The The)
  • Commits suicide by swallowing sleeping pills, inhaling car exhaust through a garden hose, setting himself on fire, then flinging himself into Carl's pool, which he has filled with pirhanas, in order to torment Meatwad through his "Video Ouija" video game (Episode 43, Video Ouija)

Shake has also, among other things, been abducted by aliens, written a song with Zakk Wylde, seen a graven image of Ted Nugent on a billboard, set fire to a great many things (including the kitchen), took on the Mooninites as lodgers, attempted to sell the Aqua Teens' house to a homeless man, been threatened by Glenn Danzig, sold Meatwad to a circus, and been crushed under the weight of his own PDA/cellphone-like helmet. He's also a fan of The Gatlin Brothers, and has been to Branson to see them in concert (though he has no memory of doing so due to hypno-germs).

Some poignant quotes:

"Plaque is a figment of the liberal media and the dental industry to scare you into buying useless appliances and pastes. Now, I've heard the arguments on both sides, and there is nothing to convince me of the need to brush your teeth."

"I got rid of my teeth at a young age because... I'm straight. Teeth are for gay people. That's why the faeries come and get them."

"The Highlander was a documentary, and the events happened in real time."

"Let's get right down to it. What I say is very baffling."

"What I'm doing in here is private!" (after being caught with Carl's porn magazines)

Shake is voiced by Dana Snyder.

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