Last night I went to bed before the girls got home. I had a busy day at work and started crying, when I got home I didn't do much, I fell asleep and woke up crying after I had a dream about the bird I had when I was younger. He was blue, his name was Frank and I loved him dearly. He would fly down to sit on my shoulder and give my cheek tiny kisses. There were times when we wouldn't feed him or give him water, I'm not sure how he survived, but he did. He lived for many years, into my adulthood. I would go over to my mom's house on my lunch hour, watch some TV with my sisters and see him. I sobbed the day I learned he had a tumor. There wasn't anything we could do for him, it kept growing, it made me very sad to see this creature who didn't seem much older than the day we had gotten him pecking at the growth.
Eventually my sister told me he was dead. She went into the room where his cage was and found him laying on the floor. Last night I dreamed that he was still alive, this time I was the person who discovered that he had cancer. Initially I wanted to try and save him, instead I realized I needed to let go, found a soft cotton handkerchief that had belonged to a neighbor of mine in real life, wrapped him in it, and gently cradled him until he passed. Really this dream is about me, I'm the person who has a terrible problem and needs to be bundled into a softness of blankets while somebody wraps their loving arms around me and holds me until the pain and darkness passes.
I could write more, but I'm not feeling it tonight. Tomorrow is another day.
Goodnight friends,
J
P.S. The Wyoming PD account on Twitter is fun. I'm grateful for social media at times like these. Unrelated, I really need to start drinking more water.
j