Hmmm, that is depressing, all this mindless drivel masquerading as motion pictures coming out this summer. Well I have the cure. Here's an idea for a movie (anybody in Hollywood reading?):
A fat, gold-chain wearing Captain Bling Bling movie producer with leather tan red skin and hair as white as David Hyde Pierce in Showtime at the Apollo decides he's going to "revisit" another movie: Beavis and Butthead Do America but this time they're played by real actors - Charlie Sheen as Butthead and James Van Der Beek of Dawson's Creek infamy as Beavis. This time, though, it's a serious coming of age story about the BB crew on a road trip quest to find their parents and end up captured by gun-toting John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson; fat producer tries to get Quentin Tarantino to direct but he's too busy looking cool. Anyway, fat producer, let's call him Fattie, in this movie-within-a-movie adventure, as he's about to begin filming his timeless masterpiece, a huge five-headed green scaley monster, we'll call him Bob, attacks! The head that looks like Kirstie Alley gobbles him up whole. The head that resembles Dakota Fanning whispers "I see dead people" and after uttering it the fifth time, in a CGI post-mortem performance, Redd Foxx pops out as the Sanford and Son theme echoes as he exclaims "It's the big one!" Then he does the macarena with the Beastie Boys and Bob, meanwhile, grabs Van Der Beek and puts him over one of his knees and gives Dawson the spanking of his career. Katie Holmes comes to his rescue but is immediately smashed by Bob's left foot.
Enter President Bush; he runs onto the scene with Lindsay Lohan on his back repeatedly thunking her little fists on his shoulders yelling "I wanna donut! I wanna donut!" to which he responds "Help, Dick, help!" When he sees Redd Foxx and the Beastie Boys dancing he joins them and suddenly the movie looks like Urban Cowboy with country music and line dancing and Beck only he wasn't in Urban Cowboy but you know what I mean.
Bob gets tired of all the insanity and the head that looks like Michael Clark Duncan gobbles everybody up. What he didn't realize was that Bush had some acid in his jacket pocket and Bob begins tripping his fucking ass off - graphics of red and pink and lime green swirlies accompany him as he stumbles around, smashing buildings up. The rest of the movie is very Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas-esque as he travels across the land, part of it desert, in an acid-induced quest for Doritos shaped like Jesus but talk like late painter Bob Ross "now we're gonna put a friendly little tree here...shhhhwwwwoop! there we go!"
And that's my idea for a movie. Now all I need is a camera and some money.