In the beginning we drank gin at night
and made love during the day.
Violently exploring one another
like a map.
A map of dimples and sweat,
of curves and contours.

I would spend the early evening wrapped in a plain white sheet,
staring towards the Roman Forum from the balcony of his flat.
I felt timeless during those days with him,
eternity could not touch us,
as if we were locked together in a marble embrace.

Where as I thought we would be Shiva and Sati,
roaming the earth with a skull for a begging bowl,
we turned into something more tragic.
I was Isis,
following behind my Osiris,
picking up the pieces of himself he had lost. i was dressing this morning (all of 35 seconds ago) i was buttoning up this faded flannel shirt i've had for the past few years. it's a blue plaid style, all soft and worn...

i found myself thinking of all the flannels i've had and lost over the years..

eyeing them fresh and waiting upon the rack, purchasing them, taking them home and removing the tags..

making them mine, breaking them in..every stain rip and tear a story in themselves..

some lost, some borrowed, some stolen..

all my wonderful flannels i have known.

where are they now?

i miss them all
It's truly shameful that my frequency of writeups has lagged so much. I'm beginning to realize I don't spend enough time doing the things that enrich my life because I'm so busy trying to keep up with the life I've created for myself. The paradox continues to frustrate me and yet I find it harder and harder to turn this around and get back on the "me" train.

Case in point:I'm having a terrible time deciding what to do about my boyfriend. Aside from the fact that he has no direction in life, he's a really good guy. I just wish he'd get his ass in gear and do something with his time besides smoke pot and watch movies. I find myself thinking more and more about whether or not being together is the right thing for me right now. I guess I should break it down...

Thinkgs I like:
1) He's funny. Bringing a smile to my face is the best way to get my attention. Make me laugh and I'm yours.
2) He's very clever.
3) He doesn't like everything I like, and vice versa. I've been given the gift of a person who doesn't consume my life by wanting to spend every moment of it with me.
4) He got me to finally watch The Godfather.
5) Mindblowing sex. need I say more?

Things I don't like:
1) He doesn't have a job, and his only prospect at the moment is bartending school, which he's been going to for at least a year now.
2) He's real picky about movies, music and food & can be a bitch about it. In fact, he usually is.
3) He doesn't have a car. (In Los Angeles, this is the equivalent of being a quadrapeligic)
4) I have to twist his arm to get him to go somewhere other than his place or mine.
5) Worst of all is the fact that he seems to have no direction at all to make his situation better. He talks about it all the time, but doing it is such a different matter.

The worst part is, I really care about the guy! Dumping him just seems like a terrible thing to do to him because he's in a shitty situation and I have the power to make things even worse. There just isn't any way to feel okay about that. I don't even think he'll be able or willing to stay friends if we do break up, something I very much wish for.

*sigh* I hate doing shit like this to people.

The last time that I left London, I did so under a cloud, in the rain, thinking “I say we pull back and nuke the site from orbit, it’s the only way to be sure.”

I’m quite liking it this time. There seems to be spring and prosperity in the air. The Tate modern hadn’t been built then, and it was one of the first places that I went after I arrived on Tuesday. My second visit was today.

I didn’t attempt to see the whole thing, just to fully explore the top floor. It’s amazing how much I missed the first time.

My favorites were the huge mural made of river mud, splashing down like a black-and-white waterfall, and opposite it Monet’s waterlilies. The inverted piano, that as I walked closer, suddenly sprang open with a jarring polyphony of loose keys. Damien Hirst's Pharmacy and his seashell collection.

The urinal, a replica of Duchamp’s, is still eliciting confused outrage from ignorant passers-by. He's still taking the piss.

After that I went to Oxford street, to buy a suit. I will hopefully be interviewing next week, and this is essential equipment. The job-acquisition process grinds on.

While fitting the suit, in a small room with many mirrors, I was able to catch a glimpse of the back of my head. There is a small patch were the hair is not only thinning, but almost entirely absent, the pink scalp showing through. It strikes me as odd that I have been walking around, unknowingly presenting this to the world for a while now. My self-image is under review, and I am contemplating Rogaine.

<achan> you know what i like about marble cheddar?
<achan> i like being able to see individual curds
<achan> and sometimes you can pull them apart
--> jasonm ( has joined #everything
<achan> but there's no whey they'll be the same as they were before they were pressed into a block
<achan> jasonm arrives just in time for my bad cheese curd pun
<jasonm> achan: i'm pretty sharp at finding holes in cheese puns, so watch out
<achan> ouch 2 in one sentence
<jasonm> (or you'll get creamed)
<jasonm> =)
<jasonm> not bad for a cracker, eh?
<achan> ahhhhhh
<jasonm> unfortunately, i don't know how much longer i can milk this
<jasonm> you seem to have soured on the idea already
<achan> caesin point
<jasonm> my theory on cheese puns is that where there's a wheel, there's always a whey
* jasonm is stringing achan along at this point
<jasonm> i'm sorry, i seem to have jacked the conversation.
<achan> heh
<jasonm> btw caesin was a good one, very original
<achan> i think this might be worth saving
<achan> i spelled it wrong tho, casein apparently
<jasonm> i wondered at that
<jasonm> save it if you like, but don't spread it around too much.
* jasonm snickers
<achan> we could wax poetic about gruyere and gouda but i think the joke is getting a little ripe
<achan> but it's a matter of taste, and it all comes down to culture
<jasonm> i may keep a copy to skim later

OUCH! The cheesy jokes never end.

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