Why do I write? I write because I've begun to believe it helps me keep my sanity
. I want people to read my writings, but who? Do I want people I don't know
to read this? Or do I want people I do know
to read this? I write down my feelings
about things but I don't want people to know my feelings. My feelings are mine, no one else has anything to do with them. I want to keep my feelings to myself, but lately I've been putting them down on paper.
If people I know read it they might think something of it, understand the true meaning of things. But they would also know what I'm feeling and read about themselves. They would read all of my rights and all of my wrongs, they would read every stupid little idea and thought that came to my head while I was sitting down at that keyboard or piece of paper, they would read about my day, and if they were in it, read about them self. They would read my assumptions, my stupid fucking judgments that I don’t say aloud. They would be able to tell who's who because I wrote descriptions, I wrote what they do, I wrote what they did, I wrote what they wore, I wrote what they said.
If someone who doesn't know who I am reads something I wrote, they too, get a better understanding of who I am, who the people I know are. But they read and wonder, they could look for another meaning that's not there or just appreciate what they have just read. And the person doesn't know me, so they're not reading feelings, these are just words on a computer screen, or maybe just words on a printed piece of paper, they have no meaning.
Which doesn't resolve anything. I guess if you want to read it go ahead and read it. But, you might find yourself, you might find someone you know, or maybe you might find me. But you might just find nothing.
Maybe I write in hopes of someone finding out who I am. But if that's true maybe I should stop because that's probably something I should do myself. Maybe I write as a procrastination, so to not do anything else. Or maybe it's true, I do just write to keep me from going insane.
Yeah...that's got to be it.