(futurebird age 14)
Today is the first day of a new month. It has also been a bad, messy day. Lynn, Lauren and I did some Xcountry running
. It was about 4 or 5 miles, I think. For the first 2/3rds of the run I was fine, it felt good, I felt strong and, strangely, young. But soon my side cramp
ed up and, like most things I do, it ended up only half done. (or to be more optimistic 2/3rd finished.)
looks different today. It is too neat and joyous.
I am mad even though I have no right to be
. I can't stand being beat at anything. I failed at the audition
for the play also. These are the darkest days
I have ever lived through! It is true what they say about the sun's absence in winter-- it causes depression. Just a few rays would make me feel better. Maybe that's all this is: sun hunger
No, it's far more than that. When I feel sick because I can look, but not touch
that is not only the fault of Apollo
. That pain is a window in to the hell on earth that culture
conceals from us.
How can I live?
(Apparently I did.)