M-x psychoanalyze-pinhead

From M-x psychoanalyze-pinhead files (patient was a 4 year old beige Pentium 166 MHz):

I am the psychotherapist.  Please, describe your problems.  Each time
you are finished talking, type RET twice.

On SECOND thought, maybe I'll heat up some BAKED BEANS and
 watch REGIS PHILBIN..  It's GREAT to be ALIVE!!

Why do you say it's great to be alive?

DIDI...  is that a MARTIAN name, or, are we in ISRAEL?

Is it because a martian name or are you in israel that you came to me?

I'm EMOTIONAL now because I have MERCHANDISING CLOUT!!

Does it bother you that you have merchandising clout?

LOU GRANT froze my ASSETS!!

Earlier you said a martian name or are you in israel?

I was making donuts and now I'm on a bus!

Maybe your plans have something to do with this.

Yow!  I'm UNEMPLOYED!

Is it because of your life that you say you are unemployed?

The entire CHINESE WOMEN'S VOLLEYBALL TEAM all share ONE personality --
 and have since BIRTH!!

Can you elaborate on that?

Oh, dear.

When I went ahead and entered psychoanalyze-pinhead mode, I read the following:

Zippy: On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a POINT.

Doctor: Yow! Are we interactive yet?

I shudder to think what twisted soul put that in. Along with sometimes asking if you've been Zippy when it hears "Yow!"...

Zippy:I just had my entire INTESTINAL TRACT coated with TEFLON!

Doctor: Are you afraid of that?

No, but I am now...