A
party. It's late, but everyone's still going hard. The
pulsating rhythm of music drills itself into his brain, and the lights shining in his face seem just
a little too bright.
He turns his eyes into the darkness, past the pool, into the trees, trying to steady his thoughts, not to actually think of anything, just to escape the turmoil that racks his brain.
He takes another sip of his beer. It doesn't help. The alcohol thing wasn't something he'd always wanted to do, it was just a natural consequence of coming to these sort of parties, of having his choice in friends. It's the very nature of conformity.
She feels warm in his arms. Yet she shivers in the cold, and pulls herself closer. Her breasts push up against his chest, her heart starts beating faster, to match his own.
She is the most achingly beautiful thing he has ever seen. He looks into her dark and luminous eyes, and brushes a strand of hair off her face. She strokes his back with her fingertips, underneath his shirt.
They stand there, staring at each other. She is absolutely captivating. He will always remember looking at her that night, from across the pool, watching the way that light attached to her like she was an angel, like the light needed her.
They had both gotten completely wasted that night. He had needed to, to find the courage to do what he was doing now. He kisses her on the lips. "There's a spare room upstairs..." she whispers not all that subtly, and begins to lead him drunkenly towards the light of the house, away from the darkness.
He starts getting scared. The alcohol can't hide that. he is burning up inside. He wants to be with her, but he isn't ready for this. She wants so much more than he can give. His friends said it would be great, he isn't so sure.
He is only 16. Barely conscious, stumbling up the stairs behind a cute girl, and he knows nothing... except that nothing feels right. Every thought is an STD, a disappointment, a lecture, a breakup. Every thought is tomorrow.
She is the here, the now. She walks him into the room, and turns off the light. Darkness. Lips find each other as she expresses her passion, and his world begins to fall apart.
She slips off her clothes, and just as deftly slips off his. She is just that kind of girl. Her breathing becomes heavier as she clings to him, naked, gasping for air.
They fall onto the bed, her hips are pressed into his, his hands are pinned to his side. He has succumbed, done something he never needed to do. She is everything he ever wanted, but this... this is anything but.
They fall apart, and he falls into his own personal night. She sleeps, innocent once more. She will never remember him, just like she will never remember the others. He will never forget.
A boy. Wide awake now, fumbles for the crucifix around his neck, and wonders who he will be tomorrow.