Lonely in a crowded room

In a room filled with strangers
maybe

In a room where I know every face
yes

In a pub, in a club
I know

Sitting at the bar with a drink in front of me
the bottle is a friend
but no companion

It happens, happens all the time,
I go from one moment of connected,
knowing people,
talking and listening.
From this to separate, alone,
voices growing more
distant in
my head. Nothing to say

No comment, no wit, no
want to
No need to
hear
no way to
listen

A silence filled with
voice

I move to leave.

The room so full of voices rising and falling
it might as well be silence
That echoes in the space of myself

The room so full of bodies drifting and shifting
there might as well be noone
surrounding the space of myself

The room so full of light slanting and dancing
it might as well be darkness
that glows in the space of myself

The room so full of happenings slowing and flowing
it might well just be me occupying
this private space inside myself

work party
Your alcohol fueled laughter
Your male bravado
Your jokes
Your cigars
Your discussions of family life
Your jokes at my expense
All I raise is blushes

friends party
Your easy way with others
Your small talk
Your laughter
Your comfortable stance
Your relaxation
All I raise is discomfort

in a bar
your easy wit
your body language
your clothes that look good
your flirting your sly glances your easy manner All I raise is a nod

at work
your bantering around the coffee machine
your lunch cliques
your easy project meetings
your telephone manner with others
all I feel is exclusion

It's not hard to throw a line my way
Some way to drag me in
I stand waiting, lonely, excluded and make my excuse to leave early.