Once upon a time
, cuz, heck, what better time than that, there lived Little Red Raver Girl
. She was a happy little girl who loved
to wear baggy overalls and the grooviest striped shirts. Her red pigtails and
keen shoes could charm the Blow-Pop
(tm) out of any raver's mouth.
Well, it seems that Little Red Raver Girl's promoter grandmother
was not feeling so hot cuz an event she was throwing wasn't going so great.
Little Red Raver Girl decided to take a skippity trip over to her grandma's
house to deliver some lollipops, a new whistle, and a hit of X. She
only wanted Grandma Promoter to feel better.
Little Red Raver Girl set out into the scary city with a warning from
her tired out hippy mother, who warned her of the evils of the world. As usual
it went in one ear and out the other. Little Red Raver Girl only wanted
peaz and unity and didn't like to hear about the bad people out there
because they gave off such bad vibes.
Hippity, trippy skipping down the avenue whistling some housy, funky toon,
Little Red Raver Girl hardly noticed the Big Bad Gothic
Girl come out of the shadows of an alley.
"Whoa!" said Little Red Raver Girl, "You put quite a fright
"Yeah, what's new?" angrily replied the Big Bad Gothic Girl.
"Hey, you wanna sticker? I got heart stickers!!
Or how about a lollipop?" asked Little Red Raver Girl.
"Nah, I don't want no stinking lollipop," gothically replied Big
Bad Gothic Girl. "Where you think you're headed to in this dark, cold,
miserable world of ours??"
"Well," said Little Red Raver Girl, "I'm off to see Grandma
Promoter to deliver some goodies so she can be happy and throw the phattest
event this side of the world."
"Big event, eh?" interestingly replied Big Bad Gothic Girl.
She thought to herself, "Hmmmm....you know I bet if I get those goodies
I could throw a dark, scary event the way I want it."
"Well, I best be off now. Peace, love and unity to you Ms. Gothic
And Little Red Raver Girl was off. But so was Big Bad Gothic Girl.
Seeing as how she hung out in dark alleys all night, she happened to know a
shortcut to Grandma Promoter's warehouse. She sped ahead to beat Little
Red Raver Girl there.
<here's a plot twist in the story! Oooooohhhh!!!>
Little Red Raver Girl continued on her way wondering why someone would
paint their face chalk white and wear all black clothing on such a beautiful
day. Just as she was daytripping this she ran into a funky phresh
young man stepping from a record store.
"Yowza!" exclaimed Little Bloo DJ Guy, "Sorry about the
bumping action there."
"Oh excuse me! I wasn't watching where I was going. Would you like
a sticker? A lollipop?"
"Yeah! Sure! Thanks a lot!"
"Here ya go," said Little Red Raver Girl as she stuck on a
groovy frog sticker onto Little Bloo DJ Guy's chest. She hands
him a lollipop and asks, "Are you a DJ by any chance?"
"I certainly am! In fact i'm supposed to be spinning later at Grandma
Promoter's event. You going??"
"Yesssss!!! I'm her granddaughter! I'm Little Red Raver Girl!
I bet you are Little Bloo DJ Guy then!" exclaimed she.
Quite a good guess too seeing as how he had on a bloo hoody shirt with "Bloo
DJ" in holographic type on it. She's quite the quick witted one ya know.
"Yep! That's me! I'm sooo happy to meet you! Hey, I gotta run but i'm
going over to Grandma Promoter's Houze of Funky Toons for the Pre-Party,
so I hope I see you there," said Little Bloo DJ Guy.
"You sure will. Be seeing you later!" happily exclaimed Little
Red Raver Girl.
And off went Little Bloo Dj Guy. Little Red Raver Girl breathed
a sigh, for Little Bloo DJ Guy was sooo sweet and just the nicest guy
she had met in the longest time. She really wanted to hear him spin and get
to know him better. "Maybe at the pre-show," she excitedly thought.
Back at Grandma Promoter's Houze of Funky Toons, the bass was bumping
as Grandma prepared for the rave and was stressing hard getting ready for the
show. Then, all of a sudden a "ding, dong, boom boom boom" came from
her specially designed doorbell.
"Who is it??" asked Grandma Promoter.
"'Tis me! Little Red Raver Girl!" replied a slightly gruff
and not quite happy voice.
"I best let her in to help me and cheer her up. She sounds as bad as
I do!" thought Grandma Promoter to herself and opened the door.
As soon as she had in leaped Big Bad Gothic Girl and she quickly tied
up Grandma Promoter in a extra long pair of fishnet stockings and handcuffed
her to the sink in the bathroom with her handcuff belt.
"You can't do this! It doesn't promote peace and unity!" cried Grandma
Promoter. "Lemme go and I'll hook you up with a hit of X and you
can dance all night with us and feel the groove. I guarantee you'll feel
"Nice try, grandma. Stuff it," and Big Bad Gothic Girl promptly
crammed a black candle into Grandma Promoter's mouth to quiet her
She then went on to change the music to something much less happy and got into
some of Grandma's clothes.
"Ick...these are soooo bright and happy. I think i'll throw up."
At just about the time she was done there came a sound in the warehouse, "ding,
dong boom boom boom."
"Yeah, who is it??" asked Big Bad Gothic Girl who was now
dressed like Grandma Promoter.
"It's me - Little Red Raver Girl!!" came the reply. "Let
me in, Grandma! We need to change that music and make you feel phresh!"
Big Bad Gothic Girl opened the door and let Little Red Raver Girl
"Why, Grandma! What a pale, icky, clammy, white face you have!" said
Little Red Raver Girl.
"The better to scare you with, my dear." came the reply.
"Why, Grandma! What morbid, black fingernails you
have!" exclaimed Little Red Raver Girl.
"The better to scratch off your face with, you little, happy, hippie
wanna-be!!" yelled Big Bad Gothic Girl and she LEAPED from her
baggies and pounced on Little Red Raver Girl.
Just at that moment the door swung open and in sped Little Bloo DJ Guy
with his patented Bag O' DJ Music. He rapidly threw on the phattest
of toons and started spinning and cutting it up as best as he could.
As he did this, a strange feeling overcame Big Bad Gothic Girl.
She felt a pumping bass shaking her body. She felt a warmth overcome her entire
soul. She wanted to stop almost, but she couldn't help herself from getting
up off of Little Red Raver Girl and dance.
She got down.
She threw massive moves.
Little Red Raver Girl rushed to the john and freed Grandma Promoter.
They went out to the dancefloor right as a large crowd had gathered at the door.
The pre-party was in full effect and at the heart of it was Big Bad Gothic
Girl dancing everyone into amazement. She gave everyone a hug and some a
kiss, she felt so good.
The vibe was the best they had ever felt that night. Grandma's event went off
like never before and was of legendary promoter proportions. Little Bloo
Dj Guy spun his best set and fell deeply in love with Little Red Raver
Girl to everyone's happiness.
And they lived happily ever after.
originally written by Noah "Juggler" Lee . punctuation corrections, formatting,
and whatnot by me . posted with permission.