I can tell you what this has meant in my personal experience. I have been through the "I just want to be friends" thing so many times, I just don't bother anymore. In fact you could say I've become a dick out of neccessity. It's a canned, hated line. It's sort of like "You're a sweet guy
." or "You're like a brother to me
". Yet they don't wan't
to date a sweet guy, or a brother figure.
I was lucky enough to have a woman explain this to me, finally.
Why do women date jerks?
Because if a woman is perfectly happy in a relationship
, and has nothing to complain to her other friends about, then she must come to focus on her own imperfections, and no woman wants to do that. Why focus on one's own faults
when you can focus upon the faults of your man, and get laid
at the same time?
It makes sense. But women still want someone to cry to, someone to bitch to, someone to take them out and buy them things, pay their way. So that's where the poor sap comes in that is "just friends
What does "I just want to be friends" mean?
The translation is "I think you'd make a great kleenex
, and will use you as such, but I'd rather be romantically involved
with someone who doesn't give a damn."
And they will deny it until they are blue in the face, but the sad truth of the matter is they will use you
for your wallet, your shoulder, and your ear. They will ask you for advice, but will never listen.
We become the woman's friend, thinking maybe there's a chance they will change their mind in the future. Maybe we'll get another shot at being their romantic interest. But instead we watch them go out with the jerks. We listen to them cry and say they wish they had someone that understood them, cared for them. We once again remind them that we do both, and they say we're such a good friend. We grit our teeth and watch them go back out again with the abusive arsehole that treated them so poorly.
Meanwhile we get to pay in time, money, and stress, without recieving any of the benefits. The woman goes to the abusive asshole for sex, and comes to us for affection
, and consolation
. After all, what are friends for
The best we can ever hope for is that one vulnerable night were we get to be the rebound boy
More and more of us nice guys
have decided we're not doing that anymore. To hell with it all! Special thanks to Tom Likus
for giving us our balls back!
What to say when they ask you if you can just be friends.
So... do I want to be friends? No. I've got enough friends. Nothing personal. Do I want to be lovers? Hell yeah! Do I want to be one and hope for the other at some point in the future? No way in hell. Tell you what, maybe I'll just become an ass myself... it seems to work better.
Then walk away. She'll call. She'll email. She'll promise it's not like that. She really does want to be your friend. oh please don't leave me
she will cry. Continue to ignore her. She will begin to obsess.
Because the nice guy who used to be at her beck and call, and she thought would do so forever has just got his yarbels
back. He's just walked away and now she has no precious outlet for her non-carnal
needs. The wonderful part is, you don't have to do a single thing either. Trust me