I never did like Nirvana
, and the closest I ever got to his widow
was that I grabbed Courtney Love's tit at Lollapalooza
So, here we go:
Kurt Cobain's Suicide Note, with interjections by Courtney Love
I don't know what to say. I feel the same way you guys do. If you guys
don't think... to sit in this room where he played guitar and sang, and
feel so honored to be near him, you're crazy... Anyway, he left a note,
it's more like a letter to the fucking editor. I don't know what
happened. I mean it was gonna happen, but it could've happened when he
was 40. He always said he was gonna outlive everybody and be a hundred
and twenty. I'm not gonna read you all the note 'cause it's none of the
rest of your fucking business. But some of it is to you. I don't really
think it takes away his dignity to read this considering that it's
addressed to most of you. He's such an asshole. I want you all to say
'asshole' really loud.
"This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from
the punk rock
101 courses over the years since my first introduction to
the shall we say, ethics
involved with independence and embracement of
your community, it's proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement
of listening to as well as creating music
, along with really writing
something, for too many years now."
"I feel guilty beyond words about these things -- for example, when
we're backstage and the lights go out and the roar of the crowd begins,
it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who
seemed to love and relish the love and adoration of the crowd."
Well, Kurt, so fucking what -- then don't be a rock star you asshole.
"Which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact that I can't
, any one of you, it simply isn't fair to you or to me. The
worst crime I could think of would be to pull people off by faking it
pretending as if I'm having 100% fun"
Well Kurt, the worst crime I can think of is for you to just continue
being a rock star when you fucking hate it, just fucking stop.
"Sometimes I feel as I should have a punch-in
time-clock before I walk
out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it
and I do, God believe me I do, but it's not enough. I appreciate the
fact that I and we have effected
a lot of people. I
must be one of those narcissists
who only appreciate things when
they're alone. I'm too sensitive
. I need to be slightly numb in order
to regain the enthusiasm
I once had as a child. On our last 3 tours
I've had a much better appreciation of all the people I know
personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can't get out the
frustration to gather the empathy
I have for everybody. There's good in
all of us and I simply love people
So why didn't you just fucking stay?
"So much that it makes me feel just too fucking sad
. Sad little
sensative unappreciative Pieces
Jesus man oh shut up.. bastard Why didn't you just enjoy it? I don't
know. Then he goes on to say personal things to me that are none of
your damn business; personal things to Frances that are none of your
"I had a good marriage
, and for that I'm grateful. But since the age of
seven, I've become hateful
toward all humans in general only because it
seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy
"Only because I love and feel for people too much I guess. Thank you
all from the pit of my burning nauseous stomach for your letters and
concern during the last years. I'm pretty much of an erratic moody
and I don't have the passion
anymore. Peace, Love, Empathy, Kurt
And there is some more personal things that is none of your damn
business. And just remember: this is all bullshit... And I'm laying in
our bed, and I'm really sorry. And I feel the same way you do. I'm
really sorry you guys. I don't know what I could have done. I wish I'd
been here. I wish I hadn't listened to other people, but I did.
Every night I've been sleeping with his mother, and I wake up in the
morning and think it's him because his body's sort of the same.
I have to go now.
-- Courtney Love
*psst*, Courney, he's dead, you can yell at him all you want, but I don't think he is going to answer. Do us all a favor and lay off the sauce; eh?