I've found some more things that trigger me.

In addition to certain roads in the Atlanta area, the standard ringtone on an LG phone, and seeing the things she brought back from the hospital, I can't watch any jail scenes on television involving women, and the sight of children following a teacher or camp counsellor in a line made me have to lean against a wall. My spouse really doesn't understand this, she's fine and so forth, and I feel horrible that she's over it and moving on and I'm clearly very emotionally troubled by reminders.

There was a lot to process in that time period, but one of the things that got to me was seeing children institutionalized for suicidal, self-harming, or drug addiction. I'm not talking 15 year old mopey emo types, I'm talking about 5 and 6 year olds, who have to be put in a place where they only get crayons to write with, and can't have jump ropes. Walking out of my first allowed visitation, in which I practically fell apart - I passed a line of children being drill-sergeanted down a hallway to get dinner in a cafeteria. Seeing a group of kids being herded down a similar corridor in the YMCA brought it all back.

Anyway, in other news - does anyone remember when you could just buy a product?

I was in a food store the other day, and the first question was did I have a member card. No. Oh, OK. Would you like one. No. Fair enough, (rings everything up) did you want to donate $2 to feed the children. No. Press the button there saying "No", then. How about $1 to children's literacy? No. Press the button there saying "No" then. Okay, that's your total (receipt the length of the average tie prints out) OK here's a coupon, and a survey and if you take it and fill it out and call the number here you get a 1/10,000 chance to win a $5 gift certificate. You'll need this rebate form to get $5 back on that pan, and add the UPC sticker from the back of the label to it and post it.

But that's NOTHING compared to buying a bed, for God's sake.

I thought I was buying a car. There were that many "sign here", "and here", "and here", "and here", "and here to decline the coverage, I think it's a really good idea to spend money for the extended warranty on that mattress." Then I had to sign something yes, deliver the thing on the 4th.

On Tuesday I was phoned, to confirm, PLEASE CONFIRM RIGHT AWAY OR YOUR DELIVERY WILL BE POSTPONED. I confirmed. "Thank you for your confirmation". Wednesday. "PLEASE CONFIRM THAT YOUR DELIVERY ON THE 4TH IS ACCEPTABLE, DO IT RIGHT NOW OR YOUR DELIVERY WILL BE POSTPONED." Thursday: "WE WILL BE AT YOUR LOCATION BETWEEN 11:15 and 3:15 PM. PLEASE CONFIRM YOU WILL BE THERE. DO IT RIGHT NOW OR YOUR DELIVERY.." Confirm. Six phone calls on my phone "You need to call us before 8pm or we will postpone your delivery..."

Can someone please tell these people what the word "CONFIRM" means?

When the girls arrive on Friday it seems as if the week stretches endlessly before me. All too soon it's the next Friday and I haven't spent time with them, asked them to do their chores, or gotten around to some of the outings I think it would be fun to experience. Last night I took my oldest to the grocery store on a cereal run. It's the kind of thing that isn't that bad, but after going through my check register this morning I realize I could have been more frugal. My oldest and I really enjoy steak. I don't buy it often because of the expense, but as I sit here I'm seeing that a couple extra dollars on steak is better than the same amount of money spent on Lucky Charms

After I got divorced my sister said I should stick half of the money I received into savings as soon as I received my monthly check. There was no way I could live on that paltry sum I thought to myself. I did try and save here and there, but it wasn't the priority I could have made it. Consequently I have a couple trips to the mall behind me, new hub assemblies for the car that I no longer own, and not as much in savings as I could have had if I had only taken her sage advice. My neighbor told me the same thing the other day. I need to pretend like I am paying rent, transfer that money into an account and leave it alone. 

Today I opened up my checking account and made that transfer. I paid extra on my bill from school. That's depressing since the interest accumulates and gets charged on the entire balance if you fail to pay it in full by its due date. I've been carrying around my check register, but forgetting to write in each debit card transaction. I need to carry cash, or use my card. The register system will work for either system, but the way my brain works, I can't accord for both expenditures in the same register. I have just over four hundred dollars to last me until the end of the month. Tough, but doable. I just bought groceries, those should last me, I'll just have to remind myself that I can do it and find ways to earn more while spending less.

Good news on the job front. Yesterday I had two phone interviews. The first went very well. I could think clearly and felt as if the conversation was interesting and dynamic. The second one started with a dropped call which was embarrassing and annoying. The woman was very kind, but at the end of the call she said she wasn't the person in charge and would pass along my resume to the woman who was. May not necessarily mean anything significant, I had trouble thinking, it was one of those interviews where every other thing I said didn't come out the way I had anticipated it. Things like that happen, I'm going to chalk it up to experience and move forward.

A cool thing happened with the chapter I was writing. I got to chapter 16 and saw the plot problems I had created earlier so I went back against my better judgement and started fixing things. I'm very glad I did. Now that I have an idea of what will happen I can slow down and think when I'm writing. Things are much clearer and more cohesive. I'm still spending more time writing than I would like. I really need other things for balance in my life, but I took a walk and ran errands yesterday, things like that help. Our new glasses are in, but the store was closed when we arrived even though they had called us the day before to tell us they were ready. Such is life. 

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