and I feel helpless.

and there is only so much I can do,

and I'm hoping you won't give in,

and I am so worried that this manipulation will wear you down,

and I'm in pain, which doesn't help,

and I know this won't be the last time it happens,

and I'm so angry that this is how the world works,

and I don't know how to keep you safe,

and I can't imagine how you feel right now,

and it doesn't make it any easier,

and it's what I was expecting, really,

and it isn't fair,

There is insufficient evidence to press charges,

856
As we sit here, staring at the light rectangle of life, we start to question the reality that once was.

Unhappy people are a lie, an accidental Instagram, a playful friend, who's humor is beyond us all, a suicide note that's just a joke, a temporary lapse in all, a silly cousin with a shawl.

***

Forget the above, sometimes when I try to write, Pushkin's poetry flow injects itself into what I'm trying to express and I start trying to write like a writer.

***

I accepted the new job.

As soon as I did, it didn't feel right.

When I had my meeting with my bosses (as I was quitting), my GM's main point was... "don't chase money, it won't end well, I'm saying that as a friend, and not because I want to keep you"
Me.. (In my head), FUCK YOU, I've spent 34 years not chasing money, that's why I'm poor.
Me.. (silently), FUCK YOU, thanks, I know you're right and that's why this decision is so hard.
Me.. (verbally), "I completely agree, and I'd love to stay here, but given the circumstances, I pretty much have to take the job"

I got home angry and a bit confused.

I was (and still am) in a foul mood.

A day later I handed in my resignation letter.

I walked into my bosses office with a grey face and a one sided sad smile. I handed him my resignation letter; but with a grin on his face, he put his hands up, keeping them away from the A4 sheet he responded with "I don't want it". I chuckled.
I didn't want to hand it to him either, so it was a bit of an awkward pause while I was trying to decide whether to just put it on his desk or just shove the paper towards him.

Eventually it was done and after I finished work, it was time to hand in my contract to the new boss. I rode the motorbike from work to my new work, and as I was nearing the driveway, I was too busy thinking about selling my soul, to notice the possibly new receptionist that they've hired. As an absent-minded genius (that's what I like to refer to myself nowadays, now that my mind is absent), I give myself plenty of excuses, but this was a purely human error, she was not a threat to my 300kg combined mass, and she shouldn't have been in the middle of the road, so my brain just didn't register her. Once she moved fast enough to activate my lizard senses, (reptile vision is very sensitive to movement), I spotted her just in time and swerved early enough to give her an "I'm sorry" wave.

I found a parking spot out the front, walked into the front door, and was in the middle of taking my bike gear off, when I heard the new boss yell out a 'g'day'. We exchanged pleasantries, and I pulled out the paperwork (which I was going to (and did) sign on the spot).

"Did they try to keep you?"

"They sure did, they made it very very difficult"

"I hope you're not moving just for the money?"

"................................... I.. I like to learn new things"
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