Friends with benefits -

There's this female in my barracks, that I met right before I transfered to this unit from the Military Police unit on the other side of post, Camp Casey, Area I, Korea. It turns out she was married to a guy I went to boot camp with, but he's getting kicked out of the Army for beating her. Anyways, I didn't know she was married to him when I met her, and she didn't tell me until we fucked around the first time.

Anyways, she is still married and the divorce papers are going through, but her husband is refusing to sign them. So this means that if me and her are fucking around, that is adultery, a serious offense in the military and it can very easily result in loss of rank. But we can't help it, and it's just strange.

But anyways, we were back and forth with this little secret relationship, until she finally couldn't handle it told me she didn't want a relationship. I told her that's fine, I understand, but I didn't want to talk to her anymore. She told me she just wanted to be friends, but I told her I couldn't do that after what we had done. But she's just as stubborn and determined as I am, and one night she came in and bugged me until I talked to her. She asked me what I want, and I told her I still want to sleep with her. Her response was, "I'm at a very shallow point in my life, I mean, I'm not shallow, but I can't handle emotional ties right now." So now, we just fuck and talk like friends. It's strange.. We both care about each other, and can caress and take showers together and talk on the phone, but when either one of us says we need to leave, or see you later or whatever, then that's it, and we'll agree to talk later. But she'll still call me and tell me to sneak over while she's at work so we can fuck around in the bathroom or something. It's good, she's as much of a freak as I am.

Anyways, she knows I'm going into some training when I leave in January, and after that I'll spend the rest of my military career on deployment, so she thinks she'll never see me again, and she might not be wrong..

These are the words I can't get out of my head.

depression * suicide * authenticity * poetry * happiness * liberal * conservative * politics * gay * bisexual * guilt * pleasure * original sin * pagan * druid * marriage * adulthood * Peter Pan * rock and roll * sex * orgy * monogamy * polyamoury * suicide * incest * pedophilia * abuse * fundamentalism * asexual * birth control * nirvana * denial * enlightenment * boring * normal * clique* friends * outsider * death * goth * hate * racist * crime * existential crisis * atheism * agnosticism * Jesus * Rhiannon * childhood * city * hick * Nazi * Jew * audiences * hate * confused * drink * drunk * whiskey * gin * beer * mead * transcendence * hermit * Walden * woods * deaf * dumb * blind * peace * end * waste land * grail * sex * spear * misogyny * Catholicism * priest * celibacy * abuse * therapy * bullshit * art * suicide * depression

There must be some kind of way out of here

Big wheel keep on turnin...

I don't even know why some of them are in there; I was never sexually abused, for instance.

I don't think it's all that strange to hate yourself.

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