I remember once in 1978, I was engaging in furtive nut play on the Amtrak when I heard a mysterious voice inside my head that said, "One day you will learn to be a good man." I am now realizing those words were inside my head.

Hi, my name is Berhardt Goats (friends call me Behr) and I am a world famous columnist on everything2.com brand infomation age website. Head on over there and check it out when you are done reading this. There is a link on the top of the page, just click on the link "everything2" and it will bring you to the everything2 brand website. Tell them Behr sent you. They will give you five free tokens and a free backrub. This is part of a mutually profitable deal between my shell corporations and the completely nude man who runs this place. Everyone here is nude. Everything2.com brand website is a nude website. All are welcome there. Check it out.

I have to tell you the story of my first time being completely nude while "surfing the net" (Internet kiddie speak) was a very good time. I talked to a lady named Lemanda. Fantastic. Check out the opportunities for online nudity by contacting the operators of websites and asking if they mind if you use the website while nude. Now, a simple yes or no answer will not suffice. You have to be probative and really get inside their heads when you do it. Mention their families and that you looked their home address up on Google. Remind them again that you are just doing some nude surfing the net and noticed their kids are growing up fast. This provides them with a learning curve as pertains to your ultimate goal.

You can teach a person a lot by bringing them into your wet basement and using a car battery on their extremely raw nipples (sandpaper makes them give you the truth). I would put some elbow into it for maximum effect. A belt sander is also a good tool to have. You have to get in there and really raw up those nipples and then comes the electricity on the water soaked body that you dream of making into a corpse. Good stuff. Wholesome. The essence of 1970s television. Wholesomeness. Family values. Morality right in your sinful face. Great stuff. 1970s.

I am a known whoremonger. I have often been seen on the piers of 19th century whaling towns buying and selling whores in the open market. If you could be alive in that time, you would have an opportunity to meet me and maybe buy one of my whores or sell me one of yours. That kind of thing is no longer permissible except in 14 countries. Most do not encourage this sort of thing any longer (at least not openly). I think it happens behind the scenes. Probably right in the Oval Office. Not far fetched. Not lately.

We've begun excavating the lava pits for the Human Breeding Farms I will be operating under the corporate name "Human Breeding Farms America, NLC" (it is a no-liability company, so your investment risk is minimized since we don't have to guarantee anything we promise by law). They offer backrubs to totally nude people on everything2.com brand website. Check it out.

Still taking early offers on the buy-ins for the stock for Human Breeding Farms, NLC but the price per 1/1000th of a quarter share are going up to $86,000. For early investors, this would be the equivalent of making 18,000 bucks per share if we had any intention of ever paying out since we are not liable. This lowers our overhead and allows you to invest with minimal risk, so get on board today. You won't get rich working in the back room of a convenience store mopping floors and taking it up the ass from a greasy old shopkeeper with missing teeth. You need to lift yourself up from poverty through investment, so please jet off an uncancellable check for $86,000 to me TODAY. Don't wait. This offer will keep going up in price as more people get on board with the idea of having these farms and herding people into them and making them do sexuality with each other while cheering tourists whip out their dicks and piss in the pit. Mayhem. Will happen. Just wait.

The imaging chamber and my destiny to travel in time remains on hold. I want to go back and keep some things from happening but then other things could happen so I am hesitant. Plus, my intestines have been pouring through my rudimentary steel wool stiches and are piling up on the floor again.

I am still looking for dates and eventually a wife who will obey me. Please sign up. There are three applications in there, but one smells like old fish wrappers. I need fresh meat. I am hungry. Very hungry.

My friends.

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