So I can't really believe that I'm writing this, but here goes. I
took a nap today. When I woke up, I realized that my relationship was my
mother has been strained and unhealthy for my entire life, and I don't
need to do anything for her, but I have to let go of my resentment and
bitterness. At home, I really don't make my kids do anything. This is
not the way I want it to be, but I've prayed about it, and I have to let
go of things that are beyond my control. Today I forgive my mother for
not being the way that I want her to be. I forgive my children for not
being what I want them to be, and I forgive myself because no one is
perfect, and sometimes you don't know how to get yourself out of a situation that you
Sunday night I participated in a conference call on dream journaling
that has changed my life. I went through a dream I had. Somehow I knew I
would be picked. I can't explain how I knew I would be picked, but it
doesn't matter. I went through my dream that I had written down, and I
had our group leader walk me through it. When I was done he asked me to
explain why the objects I had talked about were in my dream. He
explained that no one else is present in our dreams except for
ourselves, and like props in a movie or play, objects are there to give
us information and clues. It sounded kind of bullshit, but I trust my
friend so I listened with an open mind because earlier in the call I had
heard him question dream interpretation methods of others. When he was
done, I was amazed.
The next day I walked around as if I had new layers of freshly
exposed skin. I saw myself as I had never seen myself before, and I
don't think I'll ever go back to the way that my life was before this
was revealed to me. I have relationships with food that I don't like.
Today I spent a lot of time in the kitchen playing with different foods.
I made stuffed cucumber rounds, pico de gallo roll-ups, and I threaded
green and yellow fruits onto mini skewers which turned out to be fun and
delicious. I love food, and I'm excited that all the things I've
learned are starting to come together in many very cool ways. Formerly I
saw life as fragmented, and disjointed. Now I see it as purposeful, and
unified. I made some infused water after a Twitter friend reminded me
of it, and a long time ago I read a beautiful portrayal of mature love
in a book about Traditional Chinese Medicine that I want to relocate
for a friend.
I was able to write in a way I hadn't before, and that was really
cool. I've been getting back into shoes and feet, but with a twist
that's been really fun, and slightly frustrating at the same time. I'm
much more observant than I give myself credit for, and getting into
science and experiments is a new realm that scary and wonderful at the
same time. My uncle suggested I start studying the viscosity and
elasticity of ligaments. I have a theory on footwear, foot types, arch
types, and injuries, and I have no idea whether this is going anywhere
or not, but it's sparked some lovely discussions, and put me in touch
with some very cool people. I have a work out buddy who keeps me
motivated. I feel good about my job, and I'd like something more, but
for now this is where I'm at, and I'm realizing that unlimited potential
is a very fortuitous thing to have, so I hope you realize that this
capacity exists in us all.
P.S. I went through and read archived messages from someone who has given me incredibly helpful feedback. This is an under rated feature of E2, and I'm sorry I haven't done more of this myself.
P.P.S. This puts me at 20,000 XP which I thought was somehow fitting.