Hi everyone, my name is Dr. Peter Swilling, Friend Behr's doctor. I am here today with noted anti-cult activist Gray Roy Jones. Put your hands together for him.
I have decided to present my interview with him for you to read since most of you don't subscribe to my Podcast. You don't. You really don't. No way around that. No way at all.
DR. PETER SWILLING: Hello, Mr. Gray Roy Jones.
GRAY ROY JONES: Hello, Dr. Swilling.
DPS: As you know, I am seeing a patient named Berhardt Goats, or Friend Behr to his friends. I believe many of his severe psychological issues are the result of his being in a cult called "everything2," which is an apparent attempt to begin a new reality that challenges ours.
GRJ: Yes, "everything2" sounds like a code name for exactly this kind of thing.
GRJ: What I have seen in a lot of these cases involving online cults like everything2 is that they lure the target to be groomed to the websites with a lot of promises. They will be loved. They will be accepted. They can write things and post them. Things of this nature are very common, and based on your research data, I can see that everything2 is clearly one of these situations.
DPS: You told me on the telephone that extracting Friend Behr from the cult was our top priority.
GRJ: Correct, but to do this we need to get what I will call an "inkling" as to how they operate. What I often do is find a young person I can trust to go undercover.
DPS: Basically you have them pose as a new recruit joining the site.
GRJ: And that ain't no honkey bullshit. You want them innocent and unloved. Sometimes you smack them around a bit before sending them in. Have them show some bruises and an overly quick flinch response. Works wonders in convincing these people to let you join their cult.
DPS: How hard is it to integrate people like Friend Behr back into polite society?
GRJ: It is difficult, but not impossible.
Overall, I think it was an excellent interview. It gave me a lot of new avenues to explore when it comes to helping my patient, your Friend Behr.
Let us now join hands while wearing rubber gloves and look lovingly at each other. Let us do that. Let us do that now. Don't you feel better? Don't you want to reveal to me the purposes of your cult? Let me know. I will pay some amount of money for information.
Right now I have a lot of different feelings about a lot of different things. A lot is going on in the world. A cult is not the answer. Look to the wisdoms of science for answers. Look to each other. Learn new sexual positions from manuals. Hold off on trying them until you've discussed these things with your partner first. Please don't proceed without the permission of your partner. Understood?
Right now I'm going to get some dinner. I hope you are able to enjoy a nice meal tonight. Like me, I hope you'll be able to recline on the couch in something light and lacy. Please enjoy your evening in whatever way you choose to spend it. Cheers!
Dr. Peter Swilling