Look, I have been with you people for more than twenty years. I have BEEN THERE during the bad times and good. I have HELPED YOU WITH YOUR RELATIONSHIPS and I have gotten you through DIFFICULT TIMES AT SCHOOL. I have always been there for you.
And now I am headless and dealing with weird underground people who are somehow related to the carnage at Everything, Kansas some fifteen years ago. These are the UNDEAD OF OUR LOST NODERS and they are vicious and HATEFUL. I am made of love! And I have BEEN THERE FOR YOU EVERY STEP OF THE WAY.
Send an uncancellable check for $70,000 right away. Send it quick! Use FedEx! I own stock in them!
Thank you for your support.