It’s been over fifty some odd years ago so I’ll do the best I can. I guess it went something like this.

So, like. I’m sitting there balancing myself on the coffee table with this shit eating grin on my face. My legs are pretty wobbly and I’m sticking my hand out in my mom and dad’s direction. I'm only wearing a diaper and I’m as pudgy as pudgy can be. There’s drool running out of my mouth which starts to form a puddle at my bare feet. My mom and dad are coaxing me with kind words and waving my favorite stuffed animal at me saying something like “C’mon, you can do it”.

After teetering there for awhile, I finally say something the equivalent of “fuck it” in my baby brain and plop down on my ass and try to crawl over to them to retrieve the stuffed animal.

My parents get this look on their face that smacks of disappointment. (Note to self: That definitely won’t be the last time I see that look.) They pick me up and prop me back up against the coffee table. This process repeats itself maybe three or four more times before all us get frustrated and I begin to cry.

After awhile, my mom grabs my arms and holds them over my head and kind of steers me in the direction she wants me to go. My legs are buckling left and right but soon I pick up speed and I’m starting to enjoy this new found sense of freedom. Then, all of sudden, she lets go!

I only have my momentum to carry me a few more baby steps before I fall down flat on my face. I remember feeling my first sense of betrayal and thinking to myself “What the fuck were YOU thinking?” and after taking a moment to gather my senses, not knowing if I was just scared or really hurt, start to cry like I’ve never cried before. At the time, my vocabulary was pretty limited so it seemed like the best thing to do.

My mom picks me up and tries to console me and at first it does no good. I squirm and kick and I don’t think I was ever this angry. She holds me tighter and offers up soothing words and soon I begin to calm down.

The last thing I remember about that day was falling asleep in her arms.

Oh well, there’s always tomorrow.

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