I wonder what I will do if I get strep A sepsis a third time.

I think I will have to close the clinic. Assuming survival, that is. I think that I will have a fight on my hands to get the disability, even though it's "own occupation".

And then what? Work on selling writing and my mother's art? Or something else?

I try to go to sleep putting it in the hands of the Beloved: acceptance. I don't really feel it but I am trying. I am desolate and scared and sad. I had the opposite of help the last two time: my medical colleagues wouldn't listen. I dealt with it very much alone.

I ask before I go to sleep: where will I find support through this?


I see the horizon and Mount Tahoma is filling my vision. The mountain, huge. The sky is pale pink behind. I think that the sun is setting, though I live west of the mountain. But I don't live anywhere as near to it as it is in my dream anyhow.

As usual I don't know it's a dream until I wake up. It's the pink sky. How can I be seeing Tahoma so close and if the sun is setting behind it then it is to the East....

....I am supported by Mount Tahoma, by a huge mountain, by the earth....

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