Cassie Stevens, Hot Topic Sales Associate
Vichizzle McNizzle, Pimp Daddy
Vichizzle: Whadddup peeps? So what we got today? Acid? Shiii-ite. It may suhPRIZE you to know that even wit my apparent lack of restraings on indulgin I ain't nevah touched that shit. Fo real. Mm-mm. Dat right. "Hey Vichizz, why that be, you be the phattest muthafucka I know, why you ain't nevah took a trip?!" you might be askin. Well, I'll tell ya.
First of all, you gots to be around peeps you trust when you doin that shit and the first thing ya gotta know about me is I don't trust NObody. There ain't nobody I know that I am One-Hunner percent sure they won't fuck wit me while I be trippin. Acid is hard core shit and you gotta know what you're doin, ain't nuthin like puffin on a spliff which I do on occassion. Well, let's keep it real, almose every fuckin day! But the point is, I can usually keep most of my wits about me when I'm doin that, and that acid ain't shit to fuck with lightly. The peeps you wit while you be trippin gotta be one of those kinds of friends that will catch you when you fall backwards during one of those fuckin crackah campin trips, knowhaddi'msayin? And I ain't know nobody like dat!
Second, in my line of bizznitch, ya gots to carry a piece! I have one on me at all times, even whiles I sleeps! Takin a hit a acid izz NOT a very advize-able idea while you packin heat! I don't need to have evah tripped to know dat. I don't wanna be blowin' away any of my homeys thinkin' they giant squid monstahs an shit! Sheeeeott.
Cassie: Ohmygosh, so like my friend Madison, she knows this guy who like knows where to get acid. Like he knows this guy who sells the shit from the back of his van or something. So anyway, me, Madison and this other friend Shelly, we like totally have always wondered what it would be like to do some acid. Those chicks are like sooooo cool I'm glad I quit that fucking GAP gig a few months ago (my old boss was like a total perv, would "accidentally" walk in on us when we were changing in the dressing rooms). Like Shells and Mads are like the sisters I never had! Anyway, we have done some other shit, like a little pot and stuff (and we all smoke cigarettes, although Shelly claims she's trying to quit) but while we're sittin around smokin we've talked about it and stuff and like got out Shelly's laptop and researched it and shit and it sounds really freakin wild so finally the other day we put some of our money together and got Madison to get some acid from her friend and she like totally scored some!
So I'm like doing some right now. I decided to be the like guinea pig or whatever. I just put that shit on my tongue like you're supposed to and let it dissolve. We've been like sitting here watching some TRL and just like waiting for shit to happen. Damien, he's like... I fucking swear, he's totally looking at me. But like he's on TV so like I guess he's not. And... what the? Like my foot's starting to shake like my old aunt Selma who had like the Parkinson's and that's like a little scary. I'm like feeling that something is about to happen like it's a dam and like little holes are in it and stuff is trickling out but like it's gonna burst open and I know that sounds weird, but...
Shit, dude, Damien is like totally talking to me. These videos are for me holy shit this TRL was all for me. Who set this up? Shells probably did to like totally fuck with me cuz I'm doin this acid and like hey Damien! Your spikey hair! There's like spiders in it! Ew! Ew! I'm telling Madison there's like spiders in his hair and she's just like laughing! I'm like yelling at Damien but he's ignoring me. Whoah. Maybe all of this is the acid or something.
Oh dude. The TV. It is totally like farther away now. Did I move? Did somebody move the couch? What the-? Oh, they're talking to me now. Like really slowly. Really slowly. Like I'm retarded or something. I'm not retarded just on fucking acid stop talking so slow! Wait. What the fuck is this? I'm sinking into the floor! No, wait, let me get off of the part made of oatmeal.
Bugs! BUGS! BUGS!! EWWW!
Oh they're gone. Quit laughing! My friends, they're laughing at me now. They keep giggling and laughing at me! I can see their laughs. They're swirling out of their mouths... why won't they stop laughing! They're filling the rooms with laughs! It's like a total big mess am I like gonna have to clean it up? It's getting on the ceiling... hey wow, like the light fixture on like the ceiling... Ohmygod, I understand the universe now. How the light is lighting the room, it's like the secret to everything, it's like the meaning of the universe. It's... like the light is everything, the dark is like nothing. Whoah. I can totally like feel how the fucking lights smell. I can feel the scent! Now that's like totally fucked up an stuff. It feels hot. Ouch! OUCH! OH! The ceiling!
AHH! The ceiling! THE CEILING IS COMING AFTER ME! HOLY SHIT! IT'S GONNA KILL ME!
Vichizzle: Muthafuck. See, this is why I ain't nevah--
Cassie: My friends! Oh shit like they're totally trying to make me part of the floor! They're like merging me with the fucking floor! I am the floor! I'm gonna be a floor for the rest of my life holy shit a floor I'm a floor! Their laughs, they're staining me, getting all over! Get them off!
Oh wait. I'm not a floor. The ceiling has decided to stop attacking me because the light taught me the secret to the universe. Like ohmygod. Like, Finger 11 is totally trying to steal the secret from me and Damien is like letting them do it! Get away from me Finger 11, you can't have it, it's, like, mine you assholes! MINE! And you can't have it either, Shelly! Or you Madison! Oh shit, I don't have it anymore, I don't remember what it is. They like totally stole it from my mind. Their fingers, they're taking my thoughts through their fingers as they're holding my arms. They're sucking them right through my skin. They're like totally sucking out my memories.
The ceiling! THE CEILING IS COMING AFTER ME AGAIN! AND THIS TIME IT'S like GOT SPIDERS an shit!!
Vichizzle: Well, folks, like I been sayin, I be nevah touchin that acid shit. Peace out. I think I'm gonna go do some tokin!
Cassie: Like, SPIDERS!!!!!!!
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