Today is July 1, and I'm not exactly where I thought I would be at this point in time which is really okay as in many areas I'm much further ahead than I thought I would be. Money - I could have a tighter grasp of where it's going and what I'm doing with it, but I feel pretty good about this since back in May I learned I was getting divorced, and by June 1, 2015, I actually was. Going to give myself a B in this area. I prepared a budget, but I wasn't fabulous about sticking to it. On the other hand, I couldn't know what bills I hadn't been paying previously were going to be. Food - I didn't take the girls out to eat myself although there were a couple of times when we stopped for treats we didn't need. I'm disappointed in myself although I have made strides here. Giving myself a C in this category. I feel like food waste is down, I'm making more with what I have, but if I really want to lose weight and feel better I need to stop running out for treats so frequently. My biggest mistakes here were not pulling cash out of the bank, it's easier to overspend with my debit card, stress eating, not having a menu, and unnecessary trips I could have avoided. I would give this a higher grade considering my mental state, but I feel as if I put C effort into food this past month and part of that was just being so overwhelmed and depressed. Not excuses, just why I didn't perform better in this category.
Spending time with the girls. This is a tough one so I'm not going to give myself a grade. I've spent more time with them in the past, but we were pretty inactive and sedentary. I failed to plan regular exercise and activity and chose the junk food route more often than I liked. A couple treats here and there are fine, but I'd like to tie those to events like birthdays and hard work rather than mom is in a down mood and wants some chocolate or ice cream. Yard work - giving myself an A here. I hate yard work and the yard looks pretty good considering he hasn't done anything all month. I have flowers out on my porch, some greenery, and I started demolishing part of that huge ass brush pile in back which was an insane amount of work on a hot and humid day. I thought I was going to have a patio area so I set that up and took it down which was frustrating and emotionally draining. I swept the back patio area several times, moved patio furniture, pulled up the disgusting carpeting, and I think that the yard looks better than it has since we moved in here. The grass is neatly mowed, our lawn is nothing spectacular, but it's what we can do without actual landscaping. I have iris and lilies out in front. I'd like to get something for my mailbox and the stop sign in the corner of the yard. I have a play house the girls have outgrown that I need to get rid of, but these are small tasks I can manage.
Writing - I feel like I deserve a B+ in this area. I'd rather space things out more instead of writing in bursts. I didn't write any fiction at all for a while, I feel like that was a mistake. I also feel like I used writing to escape and could have better used some of the time I was hunched over the computer. Dealing with my ex - not sure how to grade this one since I haven't had an ex before. There were things that went better than I thought that they could have, but I'm not proud of the fights and some of my thoughts. I stood up for myself a few times and I'm proud of myself for that. I still depend on him too much so weaning myself off of that is a new goal of mine. Self help and care - I feel as if I have earned a solid A here. I've pulled tough books off of my shelves and done a lot of reading and some writing. I'm particularly proud of my anger writeups. They may not be fabulous writing, but from a soul clearing perspective, they've probably done more for me than anything else I've written. I've kept up on the daylogs and I'm proud of that too. I'll take a break when the girls and I are in Michigan for my cousin's wedding. That's the kind of break I think I should be taking as it will be inconvenient to write away from home and I'd rather not cart around a computer regardless of size.
I should probably give myself an F in exercise and activity, but I did get out and do a few things so I'll give myself a D. This is an area of my life where I could really ramp it up. Even a small notch or two would make a big difference. This is the area where I'm least proud of myself, but it's an area where I have a lot of room for improvement which is exciting. Taking care of the house - giving myself an A here. It wouldn't pass a white glove test, but I've had people over and they've really noticed a difference. I don't have money for some of the big decorating tasks I have planned, but soap and water and effort are very inexpensive and I've used those wisely. We've been much better about dishes, the fridge has stayed cleaner. I swept and cleared out an area in the basement, loaded up some of his stuff, kept laundry up to date for the most part, sorted clothes, and did some work in the garage. It was fun to discover that I'm not the lazy slob I thought I was before. One thing I realize - I'm not scheduling self care like haircuts and budgeting for clothing for myself. Part of that is financial, I was scared to spend that money although I did buy some summer clothes and a dress I wore yesterday. I think I could invest in a couple of foundation building pieces that would make me look and feel better. Also, I desperately need to get in for a trim. My hair is all over the place and I'm worried about split ends.
We haven't missed church yet, I've been going to therapy faithfully and taking the girls. Our insurance has changed so I hope their therapist is still covered, if not, I don't know what I'm going to do. My plan is to call her and explore my options. This is something he could and should be doing, but I want to know for my own sake so I'm going to call her myself. I need to get in to the doctor. I want to go back to the chiropractor and to my work out person although once I'm done paying her off I can't really afford to see her again until I get more income. That's making me kind of sad, but going back to school or getting a job is a fall project so I have to content myself with the way that things are for now. I still want to get out of the house more and meet some new people. I have things to work on and things I can look back on and realize that I survived and overcame some pretty crappy circumstances. I had to pull money out of savings, but not as much as I could have so there's that to add to my list of accomplishments. I didn't go out on any dates, I realized I'm not ready to start dating again and I like that about myself. I feel like I've been more mature and responsible overall and I'm praising God for the blessings he's showered on me. I could be a complete wreck right now and I feel like my ship needs a few minor repairs, and one or two major ones before I'm sailing the high seas again. It's a good feeling and I know I'll keep getting better which is really something positive on my horizon.