An acquaintance said, "You need to learn some compassion for your patients," to me yesterday.

Mostly today I am thinking about my eight patients that died over the last year. I liked all of them. I like most of my patients. I worry about some of them even on weekends. I get tired of people calling and saying "Why haven't you done my whatever-it-is?" and HIPAA so I don't say, well, I am trying to deal with a suicidal person/two people with new cancer/person and family going into hospice/really insane paperwork to transfer a worsening chronic neurological illness patient from assisted living to a true nursing home. I called the hospital discharge planners to ask about a form that I'd never seen before. If I fill it out wrong, he won't be transferred. They kindly helped me. Hope the transfer works. His power of attorney said sadly that he hoped he'd never have to go to a nursing home.

I worry about the three people who relapsed and disappeared between Thanksgiving and New Years. I don't know if they are in jail or using or dead. I may find out eventually or not.

I have presented around 40 patient cases to UW Telepain since 2010. The ones I present are the high risk ones that I am struggling with or ones that want something that I think is not safe. UW usually agrees.

Of the first ten I presented, in 2010-2012, at least 6 are dead. Most of them under age 50. All of them after leaving my practice, leaving treatment.

The acquaintance was trying to shut down what I was talking about. Not "Why do you feel that way?" but "You are not compassionate."

Thank goodness for E2. Even the downvoters, heh.

Have a good weekend.

I'm randomly logging even though it's tomorrow, but I've already logged today.

I was just reminded of something that I felt like sharing.

I once went to a sound healing, it's some sort of new age meditation thing with bells and whistles, literally. The guy running the workshop looked like he has smoked a lot of dope in his life, and was in fact an ex drug addict. I found a lot of what he had to say interesting enough, but even though it is mostly the generic kind of stuff, when you're in the right state of mind, it does the trick.

One thing he said has stuck with me, it was: "Having a bad day? Have a bad day." said as a matter of fact. If I was younger this would mean nothing to me, but having grown older, softer and more emotional, I found this advice quite useful.

I'm not your typical "live in the moment" kinda guy (I don't think), but I do feel like I put most of 'me' into things that I'm doing. That means that these previously mentioned bad days, when they are happening, are quite bad; at that moment most of me and my life are bad.

This simple little thing has saved me a lot of bad days turning into worse days, or worse weeks. It has changed "today is horrible and I'd rather not be alive" into "I've had worse days, and tomorrow is most likely going to be better". I've suffered through horrible days with a smile on my face, thinking "yep, I'm having a horrible day"

I'm not sure this will help anyone who's not a simpleton like myself, but if it does, you're welcome!

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