It has been a rough couple of days here at the safe house.
Last night, the FBI agent came in to tell me that they raided the Straight White Men's Cultural Center and that my friend and leader Brandon Hitler was killed in a gunfight. Brandon had a very sound plan for killing off sixty percent of the American population over the course of his eight year term as President of the United States of America from 2024-2032. I guess this will now not happen which disappoints me a lot.
I wanted to make sure the noder known as Nemosyn was aware that her sometimes boyfriend is dead in case she was not contacted. I know this has been an affair for her but also that she is in an open relationship with her husband and they have young hairless boys over the house quite often.
I told the agent that I liked going to the Straight White Men's Cultural Center because I appreciated straight white male culture a lot and that I used the lending library there and went to movie night to see films like Robin Hood: Prince of Elves and Triumph of the Will. This dullard then says this to me, "What the hell are you, some kind of evil Mr. Bean?"
You know what I said?
"What the hell are you, a stegosaurus?"
He then informed me they are charging me with 168 counts of murder and that they are providing me with a "court appointed lawyer" since my Slick Willy type lawyer has "flipped" and is giving evidence against me. With that bird in hand (rather than in the bush where it belongs) it would not serve me well to have him represent me in these matters.
"Not guilty, Mr. Stegosaurus. What else you got?"
Now I have them on their heels.