It is a long walk from Volgograd to where the children want to take me. I am annoyed in at least three different ways at their refusal to use modern transportation methods which are available to us here in the 21st century. If you are unaware, as these children apparently are, modern transportation methods include cars, buses, trains, and airplanes.
Cars
Cars are a personally owned form of transportation and can seat between two and six passengers. They run on gasoline, available at various retail outlets, and require regular maintenance. You can buy them in car stores all over the world and may barter for a fair price.
Buses
Buses are large cars that seat between 16 and 43 people and are driven by overweight slobs who require their heads bashed in for real satisfaction. Hate them as I do. Keep them in your hateful prayers every night. The Lord Commands It.
Trains
These are buses which run on tracks through scenic areas. You can sleep in very small beds or have sex in them. You are not allowed to talk to the conductor because he is driving the train.
Airplanes
These fly in the air and can carry between 4 and 23 passengers. You have to buy a ticket from a travel agent and wait on line. No weapons or deoderant is allowed on planes.
It bothers me that the children have not learned these things, so consider them new learnings you have received from everything2 website top columnist Itzak Berky (with twelve outstanding awards for achievements in superior journalism).
I showed them how to hitch a ride by holding my thumb out as an old truck rambled towards us. It did not stop, so I vaulted myself with my X-Man type hand onto the top of the truck. I then slide my swollen body with badly distended and blackened belly over to the driver side window. I reached in with my X-Man type hand and slit the driver's throat with the pocket knife attachment. Because I have not sharpened it lately this required a LOT of sawing at the neck to complete. Damn near seven minutes of aggressive neck sawing.
We took control of the truck and we are now traveling towards the border as fast as we can on this shitty Russian road.
I need to keep my eyes on the road. More later.
My friends.