I wrote a post for yesterday, but I never finished it and I'm not sure I will. It breaks my streak so I may go back and finish it, but I'm in a different frame of mind than I was. Yesterday was an interesting day. I was late to work because there was a big accident on the freeway. I'll get docked for being late which ticks me off since I had no control over that situation, but whatever. I walked into a mess at work, someone put out the cards for Valentine's Day without pulling the duplicate cardboard slip so I spent some time doing work that someone else had already gone over once which really annoys me. I spent some time facing cards which is another thing nobody else does. When the next person arrived she asked how I was and I told her I was annoyed that work that should have been done wasn't. She told me about her eye exam, then she said we were a small department and she hadn't been in the day before which basically means she's an excuse maker and a responsibility shirker rather than someone who is actually accountable. The front end was busy so I helped my friend with the crush bag groceries, later on I helped my unicorn friend.

It was kind of embarrassing because she told the first customer we had that I had a different type of brain than they did. He was building a greenhouse, I didn't catch why the brain part was relevant to the conversation, either she had set his soup to the side or I did, I almost forgot it, if I can't see things they don't exist to me which is why I try not to set things off to the side in the first place. I ended up staying late partially to make up the time and because we were busy in my department. My boss was upset because work hadn't been done and I don't blame her. She made a comment about people having time to flirt instead of work, she's so frustrated and I wish there was more that I could do, but I think I'm going to talk to the front end manager to see if I can switch departments. These people aren't changing. I'm not going to change, it feels like they're winning, but I just don't want to go on like this anymore. It was fun working up front, generally speaking my experiences have been positive although I know that I have the ability to leave when I want which I wouldn't if I moved to that department, but no job is perfect.

I've been thinking about this for a while, a friend of mine told me that someone else made a comment about the front end wanting more people. I get along well with the manager, I don't love some of the people in that department, but I think with a larger pool of people the tension won't be as concentrated. It's a risky move, but I think I've more than paid my dues and if upper management doesn't want to approve the switch, then it's time for me to find a new job even though I really like what I do when it's me on my own, or me and my manager. I have a lot of fun working with her. We work well together, the other day she was trying to figure out a shelving problem, I suggested moving two gallon sized containers over to the end so more valuable real estate in the middle was free. She was going to give me one and I told her to just leave it and get the money for it. We agreed to put them on sale, it was the perfect conversation; there was a problem, we exchanged information, debated solutions, both sides were respected, heard, and valued. I'll miss her if I do get moved, but I'll still see her and maybe someone else will be able to have my job if it becomes available although I feel sorry for anyone who has to work with those two. Ugh.

When my friend was over we got to talking about the best way to bag groceries, I learned that nobody teaches cashiers how to bag which is the kind of thing that both shocks and doesn't surprise me because that's how that place is unfortunately. They have these unwritten rules and then they're surprised why new people can't understand and follow them. It was kind of funny, we were talking about personalities at work and who would be good partners or teams. I really enjoyed bagging for my unicorn friend because I have time to think about how to organize things. It takes me a long time to bag groceries, but I think when I'm done, the end product is good. I like to see what still has to be checked and base my strategy on that. I think it would be interesting to spend some time observing who does what. There has to be a goal and that's one of the things my friend and I were talking about the other night. Is the goal to use the fewest bags, make the bags easier to carry, keep like items together, distribute weight the most evenly, prevent damage; ideally we're doing all of these things. There are a lot of elements that go into packing items and I like to consider each of them which is probably super nerdy of me, but I like that about myself.

The other day I had taken a message and asked our marketing manager to call a customer who was having trouble with the app, and unfortunately, she never did. This is the kind of thing that absolutely infuriates me. My friend talked to our GM about it and he made an excuse for her which I also thought was some supreme bullshit. I don't think I'll ever understand how management plays favorites, there's a certain type they like, whatever their criteria is, I'm not on their list which is why my boss got into trouble for talking to me when I stopped in to see my new friend the other night. I worked a split shift so we could have coverage, she canceled plans we had to stay late, but they feel the need to talk to my boss who has been there for a decade and manages very shrewdly about employees who aren't on the clock talking to those who are. I'm so over these people, but they're who we have and I guess it could be worse. I went painting without my friend and left very discouraged although I had gone into the studio with a very ambitious plan. Tonight I did a piece for my niece. Her first name starts with the letter A so I did that on what's supposed to be an easel in her room.

The sides are blue, the background is yellow, the A is mostly red, but at the bottom there are orange, tan, and yellow flames as if the letter is taking off and heading toward the clouds that are up above the easel. I put vines and flowers around the easel, I wasn't wild about how those turned out, but the clouds were fun and I'm happy with the way they turned out. The most important thing is that my sister likes it which had been my biggest fear. I talked to some of the women who work there about the piece I did for my sister, it did not go the way I had anticipated, that was frustrating, but they said it was good I had challenged myself and I'm glad I was adventuresome. I told them how I had to get ideas out of my head and they said that was one of the hardest things to get people to do which really surprised me. I usually start with a plan, I always start with some sort of grid, graph, or chart, and then I kind of see how things go and add or subtract as I continue. I use masking type to outline the letters except for the piece I did for my sister where I tried a free hand letter A. It was really cool at first, then I messed it up, fixed it, and totally ruined it.

I ended up painting over the entire section and I'm still not wild about the finished product although it's much better than it was. The people who work there are super helpful and very kind. They give appropriate and constructive feedback without telling you your piece sucks even if it kind of does. One of the women who works there told me I was all sorts of offical now that I have a critique under my belt. I know she was trying to make me feel better, the attempt at humor worked and so did their suggestions. What started out as a martini glass ended up being a mermaid tail. For some reason this mermaid is diving into the sand in an hourglass. My sister's bathroom is a shade of pink that I tried to match as best I could which was admittedly difficult since I only had my memory to go by. I wanted it to be a surprise and didn't think that asking for a picture of her bathroom was something I could navigate without arousing her suspicions. I love the colors I used for the mermaid, there are elements of the piece that I like, but if it was given to me I'd junk it and not think twice. Art is basically solving problems you created yourself which is one of the reasons I really enjoy it. I get frustrated, but I also have fun and the time just flies by.

Something I learned about myself is I have to stick with creating art for a particular person and not force it which is what I did with that piece for my sister. I couldn't relax and I'm sure that's why it was a more difficult project even apart from the difficulty level. I'm not good at sketching and shouldn't have tried to tackle something that difficult, but I guess a part of me is glad that I did. Today was my last day of PT, I used to stop by and see my friend the receptionist periodically. I don't think I'll be doing that anymore. I saw my former PT when he came back from lunch. I was on the treadmill, but saw him through the mirrors. I stuck my hand out to wave to him because I thought it would be rude not to, he did the same hand motion and I thought to myself, he wore the shoes that he did because he knows I'm a footwear person and would notice them. I could be wrong about that, but for some reason, I don't think that I am and I wonder what he would say if he was asked why he chose them. Probably that it was the first pair he grabbed or something like that. I've never seen them before, they were black with bright orange laces. He's colorblind so he may not be able to see what color the laces are, but he had to know I would notice those shoes.

My friend read some poetry when she came over last night. I want to say it's the first time anyone has read anything I've written, she's very good, I don't read with that much inflection. She has four horses that she has to sell, I don't know how she didn't break down sobbing over that, but I think she has strong emotions on the subject. She told me I could come visit them anytime and that made me so happy. She's super tall so we got to talking about that. I've always wanted to be taller and envy those who are. I'm sure there are disadvantages, but it seems like being short is worse than being taller although I suspect there's a continuum for that sort of thing. I'm super envious of how long her legs are, she's very lean and I think she's incredibly photogenic and fun. Her personality is so energetic and uplifting, she's very honest and refreshing with good insights, she listens, she contributes to the conversation. I told her I was sorry I don't have any furniture for tall people, she said she was a very easy going and laid back type so I threw a bunch of pillows on the floor, pulled some quilts out, and we ended up having a makeshift slumber party type arrangement on my floor. 

I wasn't really planning on having anyone over and then I felt bad I didn't have any snacks or wine or anything. She ended up eating sea snacks, some trail mix, and a container of applesauce. She reminds me of a foal, she's so loving and curious. We had an animal conversation. I associate people with animals in my head and use emojis for them if we have conversations where others do this. Some people aren't into it, my sister assigns emojis for people whether we like them or not. Mine is the waving grass one and I don't really understand why that's me, but you can't pick your own and I think one of the rules is you have to dislike it or feel like it doesn't fit you or she wouldn't be the princess with the crown. It's kind of handy if you hate typing names out and it's nice because then others may not know who you're talking about when they see the conversation. A friend of mine tends to use first initials, but that can be confusing at times since everyone in my family has a J name. To switch gears for a moment, my baseball friends are having pace of play and pitch clock conversations. I haven't been on Twitter as much recently, maybe I finally outgrew it although I think I'll always keep in touch with friends I met there. 

For those who are following politics on the national level I apologize that I never thought to include a copy of Forbes magazine as an item that can be used to spice up your sex life. I'm going to really miss some of the people who work for my former PT. Today my tech and I were talking. He watches Wheel of Fortune every day with his grandmother. Last weekend he went to shoot pool with his cousin for his birthday. I asked if he had a custom cue, he said he didn't, but there was a single guy who had one and they talked to him for a while. I need to find someone to play pool and ping pong with who also likes to go to the art studio, drink wine, and doesn't mind doing housework. Art is a very expensive habit so I have to think about this, but for now I'm having fun. Card night ended up being me and one of my other neighbors. We were discussing rent, housing, and the real estate market. Her HELOC is expiring and she's going to have to have her partner buy her out, or sell, neither of these are very appealing options. I really like living here, but it is incredibly expensive so we were talking about what some of my future options were. Basically it's going to come down to what I can afford which is kind of depressing.

She told me that what I need to do is get married and I told her it was going to take a lot to get me to the altar ever again. I don't know why we were discussing people who got drunk and embarrassed us, but I had to relive some unpleasant vacation moments with her when that subject arose. I've never been drunk and have no plans to do so in the future. One of the more distasteful things about sporting events, especially ones where tailgating is involved is the people who go there just to drink. Maybe it's just because I'm allergic to beer and refuse to pay ballpark prices for most food, but I do not get why some people even buy tickets to the game when they're so trashed they can't even enjoy it. I'm always afraid someone is going to spill something on me, it's happened before and it makes me nervous enough to add a layer of anxiety to outings. If I do move, and I decide to buy instead of renting, which means I'd have to qualify for a loan, I want to turn my living room into an art studio. Part of me realizes how stupid it was to turn down that condo, but I didn't think I could afford it at the time which shows how bad off I was back then.

I feel like I've made a lot of progress, learned a ton about myself, and am in a way better place than I was at this time last year. While I was at the art studio I was thinking I could write on what to expect as a beginner who is just getting into painting. Even though I'm far from an accomplished artist one thing this little exercise has done is dramatically increase my appreciation for what goes into larger and more complicated productions. My mind is just blown at what it must have taken to produce some of the works I've seen in museums and people's homes. Neighbors of mine were artists, he did a lot of glass work, she painted, but they were both creative in many other ways. She gave me a painting that I hung in my dining room and I'm sad that I no longer have it even though I know my sister appreciates it and I could call it back at any time. It would be a cool piece for my bedroom now that I have different bedding. People made fun of it when I hung it up, but a lot of others said they liked what I had done with the lighting which was actually a barn light I bought at Farm and Fleet which is not the same as Fleet Farm.

Tomorrow people from work are going out for sushi. That kind of thing makes me nervous because I'm deathly allergic to shellfish, but a couple of my friends are going and I really want to get to know them better outside of work, particularly one woman who works in the cafe who says she'll probably be quitting soon. I hate the rate of turnover we have, it makes me sad that we can't hang onto the good people, but I get it. They have to live their lives and do what works best for them. I'm not normally a huge Buzzfeed reader, but my youngest is, I read the 29 Stages of a Twitterstorm in 2018 and found it quite amusing although I doubt she would see the humor in it. I read the Jeff Passan article on MLB possibly expanding to 32 teams and got excited thinking about the options there. Commissioner Manfred isn't my favorite person ever, I'd like someone with a bit more personality to get the position, but it's complex and I guess he could be more terrible. The other day I learned the word chindogu which is Japanese for inventions nobody needed to solve a problem that they aren't really solving. 

I was so happy I learned this word because I feel like it describes a lot of what goes on at work on a daily basis. I really don't see it sticking around based on the decisions made by the powers that be. My new friend who was over said she had heard some rumors about one of the owners who is a lecherous disgusting pig. She's auditioning for a role in a play and so is he, she felt awkward about that, but I told her not to worry about it. On one hand I have a job because this guy exists. On the other, he is just gross. He seems to put women into two categories; fuck, or ignore. Thankfully I'm in the latter group, probably, and I hate to say this, but I think we probably have more in common when it comes to personality type than I'd like to admit except I'm pretty sure he's an extrovert. He's a conceited prick and thankfully isn't around much, but when he is, he likes to show people how important he is as an owner by telling them they suck at whatever they're doing or not doing at the time. He just got married, he's building his dream home, he has a lot of cool toys, and I am not one bit envious of anything he has. I would never want to treat others the way that he does.

He's smart, but he has no empathy for others. You don't have to take my word for it, but I bet he sucks in bed which could explain why he seems to go through women the way that he does. Even though I'm not the most romantic woman ever, I want to be loved when I'm in bed with someone. He's all about himself, and I think that's probably fine with his new wife, since she's into herself as far as I can tell. If you went to school with a wealthy jock bully who was dating a more reserved wealthy decent looking fellow student, you have met these people. He turns me off in every way there is, it's hard for me to think of a bigger libido killer than guys like this; the macho, strut their stuff, speak down to others, especially women they don't like, arrogant, conceited, not that attractive, zero compassion, ultra competitive, got to have it now, everyone else should do things to save money, but they should feel free to live their lifestyles, not much turns me away from sex, but he manages and he doesn't even have to do anything other than show up at work. Unfortunately our other owner is not the nicest person either, but I've had better interactions with her for the most part. Neither of them are beloved by employees which is really too bad.

One of the cool people is their daughter who is almost always very nice to me. I've had several conversations with her that were very interesting. Sadly she looks more like her father than her mother who I think is fairly attractive for an older woman. My boss has told me some stories about her that have made me see snippets of how her life must be, but she has an interesting job and I give her credit for working when she obviously doesn't have to and could just rely on mom and dad to support her. She's smart, but not pretentious. She's kind of a young hippie and I always want her to meet someone really nice, fall in love, and repair some of the damage her parents have done over the years. I couldn't imagine living with either of them. They're both very cold and selfish from my point of view, but I suppose people could make the same arguments about me. She's very artistic, whoever picked out the paint and color scheme for our store did a wonderful job. I give whoever did that a lot of credit because when you really think about it, so few public places are attractively painted.

My youngest sister works for the county, her floor is decorated in gray and yellow which is a sharp combination due to the shades they used. It makes me happy when things are pretty. I've seen so many really depressing and outdated buildings that seeing work well done is almost enchanting. I understand that money for government buildings is often tight and a low priority, but it really increases my job satisfaction to work at a place that has such a pleasant use of color and texture. The one thing I think is a little strange and I'm not sure I would have done is the fruits and vegetables that are painted in certain places. Generally speaking stores are carrying too much inventory in my opinion, and I would say we're worse than most based on my current and previous experiences. Having a friend over who really listened to me was what I needed. I feel like I have a better perspective, I got some things off of my chest, I got a lot of encouragement and support, this is what a good friendship looks like and how a healthy relationship functions. I started crying at one point in time and she was very sweet about that. I stayed up way too late and I'm still up late, but every once in a while that's okay even if it screws up my schedule.


Him: "I went to the store in my work clothes and an old lady asked if I worked there. What about me says 'I work at Kohl's'?"

Me: "I don't know, but that's a Tinder profile right there: Plays pool, watches Wheel of Fortune, once mistaken for a men's activewear employee at Kohl's."

Him: "You're right. I don't know why I didn't think about that. Do you have your own cue?"

Me: "No, but I'd like to get one. Some people are missing the entire point of the game. They think you're supposed to be worrying about getting the balls in the pockets when the real goal is to stand around with your custom cue. I think this is why I'm still single. All I need to land a man is a custom cue in pink with black accents."

Him: "Definitely."


Him: "This week is just flying by. Whenever I have plans for the weekend, it drags."

Me: "This is why I have no social life. I gave it up to speed up my work week."

Him: "Sounds legit."


Him: "We had drama here yesterday that carried into today. How are you?"

Me: "I'm good. I went to the art studio and did a project for my niece who is turning two. Some of these toddlers are the harshest critics."

Him: "Jessica be like expressing her creativity and shit! Isn't that kind of expensive?"

Me: "It's still cheaper than snorting coke off the backs of hookers."

Him: "Excellent point."


Me: "You are too kind. The people who work there helped me with the hourglass and the sand."

Him: "I like it! And no, I'm not."

Me: "Lies!"

Him: "I don't lie to you -- ever."

Me: "Your beach pic will have bikinis in it. I never lie to you either."

Him: "Mmmm -- bikinis are nice."

Me: "Mmmhmm, off to play cards, please try to behave while I'm gone." This is a joke because he never misbehaves. I'm the one who tries to get him to take more risks and he's the person who tries to reel me in when I want to be more adventuresome. Sometimes we really annoy each other, but it's probably a good thing we have each other in our lives. He's a Reds fan and I really do want to paint him something for his Florida place. He has really good taste in art so I'm slightly apprehensive about this, but I figure he can always get rid of it if he doesn't care for my efforts.


Him: "The Grim Reaper is literally outside my door. Help!"

Me: "You think a woman is going to be able to help you?"

Him: "A woman could help me with a lot of things."

Me: "I don't do windows. I do men who do windows."


Her: "Yasmany Tomas arrested after reportedly driving 105 mph on Phoenix freeway."

Him: "Fastest he's been tracked in the Statcast era."


Him: "Dominican Winter League rules insanely hard because it's just rando Quad A sluggers like Francisco hitting 500 foot homers and admiring them for days."

Me: "I approve."


Him: "Jessica, did you see that article on the Portuguese and Spanish police collaborating to bust that huge pineapple cocaine ring?"

Me: "I must have missed it."

Him: "I figured that if there were drugs, money, and organic fruits, you must have been involved. Glad to hear you got away."

Me: "Not only do I pay my taxes, I bribe officials before I actually need them to help me out of a jam. You are purchasing locally made artisanal quality low glycemic cruelty free fruit spreads, aren't you?"

Him: "Is that what you're serving your guests at your Snow and Blow parties?" 

Me: "I tell the strippers to keep circulating. It's Snow, Show, and Blow."

Him: "Are these the vegan strippers, or the carniverous ones that stand outside those meat vending machines? I told one of the guys at work about your hummus joke and he laughed."

Me: "Now that I think about it, the sex act probably isn't vegan. Sorry sweetie."

Him: "You're great Jessica. I don't tell you that enough."

Me: "Did you hear that Yasmany Tomas news?"

Her: "He wasn't drunk. He wasn't high. He didn't have a hooker in his car. Has nothing to do with his contract."

Him: "You're just mad that he can't pee in his own pool. Now if he played for the Dodgers, that would be different."

Her: "Who won the World Series this year? Oh, right, it was that team in Texas. They beat LA. Suckers."

Him: "I think I'd rather have Jessica's snow globe world than your heat indexes. She serves cocaine on pineapple rings at her parties and she invites raw vegan strippers. She told me they hang out by the vending machines that dispense different flavors of hummus. Sex sells apparently."

Her: "I'm sure your wife would love that. She can come down here and eat all the bacon she wants."

Him: "Aren't you Jewish?"

Her: "I said she could. Pay attention for crying out loud." 


Him: "Why did you think of me when you read this article?"

Me: "I'm secretly 12 and the word libido makes me laugh. Are you in touch with yours?"

Him: "I dunno. I don't think so, are you?"

Me: "Believe me, I make it a priority to embrace the male libido. I would like to be doing a lot more of this, but I do have to work and management would probably frown upon such things. I wonder what a good labor attorney would tell me."

Him: "Have your physician add to your work restrictions. Inform management that you're required to lie down on the job from time to time."

Me: "That's great advice. Did I ever tell you what my friend said when I told her what you did for a living? She asked if a lot of pregnant women come to you, get it? Haha. This is her joke, not mine."

Him: "Oh dear."


Today was a good day. I didn't get much done, but my mood was much higher than it was yesterday which was a nice trend. I had a lot of fun joking with my friends and I'm mostly pleased with the way my painting for my niece turned out, I thought of five or six more pieces I could do for others, that was fun for me even though I'm not sure how I'm going to pay for all of that. Now I get why so many artists have to sell pieces. I really wish I would have gotten into art earlier, but at least I didn't let fear hold me back any longer. That was a great lesson to have learned.



P.S. So far everything I've painted has been rated G, but when I was working I thought about doing some fun pieces. The only problem I can see is figuring out how to find an audience who would appreciate something like that...


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