When you are flipping through the channel guide and you see a movie
with this title, you cannot resist
watching it. Well, at least I can't. This movie has got it all, stupid whiny lisping kids
, wacked out adults in freaky costumes, an absolutely absurd
plot, and Ice T
. What more could you want in a movie? Seriously.
The story is a classic one, that of a young boy who faces extreme challenges which he must rise above. Young Jacob Two Two (Max Morrow) is accused of insulting an adult, a very serious crime for which he must pray the price. In court, the rapping judge (played by Ice T) sentences him to 2 years, 2 months, 2 days, 2 hours, 2 minutes, and 5 seconds in the children's prison on Slimer's Island. As he is being taken away, the famous Child Power Masters arrive to wreak havoc on the court. Though they leave poor Jacob to his fate, they do plant a Secret Agent (in the form of a small electronic beetle) on him so they can track him and locate the Island whose location is a well kept secret which nobody has been able to figure out thus preventing the kids from ever being rescued from the incredible wrongs bestowed upon them by the unfair court. Wow, that was a long sentence.
Ok, still with me? Good. The prison is run by three people. We have Ms. Fowl (played by Miranda Richardson, yeah I know, who?), a nasty bird lady with a giant long nose and yellow skin who is madly in love with the hooded fang. We have Mr. Fish (played by Mark McKinney of Kids in the Hall fame), who has pale skin and a green haircut with scales. Finally, we have the Hooded Fang (played by none other than Gary Busey) who is in charge ofthe whole place. The Fang, well, he is hooded, and enjoys running around a wrestling ring, which is rather fitting given his WWF friendly appearance. Anyway. in addition to these folks are a bunch of Slimers, who seem to be some sort of take-off of the Toxic Avenger. Both Ms. Fowl and Mr. Fish seem compelled to win the favor of the Hooded Fang who, let me tell you, is indeed a dreamboat.
In the prison, the kids are forced to eat sub standard food of questionable nutritional value and work all day shoveling something that appears to be peat moss into furnaces. I'm pretty sure the previous sentence has a mis-placed modifier. The purpose of this, of course, is to produce fog which hides the island thus preventing anyone from being able to find and rescue the kids. But thanks to the secret agent, the Child Power Masters are well on their way to rescue all the helpless children. Unfortunately, Mr. Fish finds the secret agent and takes it away to start a company in the city selling horrible toys for children. I won't give away the exciting ending, you'll just have to see it yourself.
Now I should also mention that this is sort of a musical as well, but don't fear. None of that wussy make you feel good singing like in Sound of Music, no no no way. The songs are absolutely absurd, you will love them. YOU WILL. This movie is based on the book by Mordecai Richler, and there is also a 1977 film version of this which I have not seen.
Overall, I gotta say this movie is pretty wack. It's a kids movie, but I wouldn't suggest young kids watch this as it's pretty creepy. Not just in the scary sense, but it's just fucked up. It does do a pretty good job of capturing the imagination of a kid, which makes it pretty entertaining for adults (or at least those of us who are still kids at heart). Also, I think this movie would be pretty fun to watch high. Not that I condone that of course.