WARNING! SPOILERS AHEAD! HEY! YOU! GET OFFA MY CLOUD!
Title: It Takes a Thief
Release Date: June 2001
Writer: Mark WaidPenciller: Bryan HitchInker: Paul NearyJLA Members: Superman,
Batman,
Wonder Woman,
Aquaman,
the Martian Manhunter,
Green Lantern,
the Flash, and
Plastic Man.
Guest Stars: Clark Kent,
Bruce Wayne,
John Jones,
Wally West,
Kyle Rayner,
Eel O'Brian, and
Linda Park.
Bad Guys: Id and the
Cathexis.
So what happens?Let's recap: Id, a
sentient energy wave from another
dimension, is granting
wishes, both for good and for ill, all over the planet. And certain members of the Justice League have been
split into their superpowered forms and their non-superpowered secret identities: Superman and Clark Kent, Batman and Bruce Wayne, the Martian Manhunter and John Jones, Green Lantern and Kyle Rayner, the Flash and Wally West, and Plastic Man and Eel O'Brian. The only two unaffected Leaguers -- Wonder Woman and Aquaman -- are realizing that the split is causing
dangerous alterations in their teammates. But a pair of
otherdimensional aliens called the Cathexis claim they can help. Now, on with the story...
The Cathexis reveal that when Id arrived in our dimension, the first wish it granted was back in
JLA #50, when Superman told Batman, "We have two lives, most of us, and sometimes I wish vehemently that weren't true." So, BOOM, Id went and split the JLA apart. Normally, you'd expect Superman to feel bad about that, but this time, he doesn't seem to
give a rat's ass.
When the JLA responds to an Id-related crisis in
San Francisco (a disfigured model wishes no one would look at her and everyone in the city goes
blind), the full effect of the split rapidly becomes apparent to Wonder Woman and Aquaman. Plastic Man just won't quit
joking, no matter what. Green Lantern won't use his power ring as anything other than a
weapon. The Flash is
impatient with anyone slower than he is. Superman and Martian Manhunter are both acting cold,
arrogant, and
alien. And an increasingly
sluggish Batman is revealed to be an almost featureless
automaton.
Meanwhile, Eel O'Brian is becoming more and more the petty
thug he was before he became Plastic Man. He starts rounding up the other split
alter egos, including Wally West, now grown over-
relaxed and
apathetic; Kyle Rayner, slowly going
mad because of his inability to express his
artistic visions through a power ring; John Jones, who really,
really doesn't want to go back to being a
Martian; and a very
spiffy-looking Clark Kent. In Gotham, Eel
pistol-whips an increasingly
psychotic Bruce Wayne and persuades Jones that the only way to save Wayne, Rayner, and O'Brian from going completely
insane is to reverse the split and get everything back to
normal.
Back in Frisco, the Cathexis have finally been able to locate Id, and Flash uses Wonder Woman's
lasso to create a superspeed cage to hold it in place. With Id confined, the Cathexis reveal themselves as
cosmic villains seeking to capture Id and use it to make themselves
all-powerful. After blasting the JLA into unconsciousness, they are busy gloating over their
triumph when Clark Kent, Bruce Wayne, Eel O'Brian, John Jones, Wally West, and Kyle Rayner step out of the shadows, armed only with
handguns,
baseball bats, and their
fists. Normally, I'd say we're all screwed, but I don't think Bryan Hitch would waste a
splash page on a bunch of losers...
Cool Moments!It looks like Mark Waid is getting into the JLA
groove, because this was a
very cool issue. Almost every single picture of Eel O'Brian, with his red suit, black shirt, gold tie,
trenchcoat, and
evil sunglasses, whether silhouetted in a doorway, half-lit through blinds, or standing in a pouring
rainstorm, is
unbelievably goddamn cool; the only glimpse we get of the
eyeless, earless, hairless
thing under Batman's cowl is really
freaky; Bruce Wayne getting his ass kicked by Eel O'Brian was
perversely cool; the
duplicity of the Cathexis was as good a
plot twist as I've seen; and like I said, the final splash page of the unpowered alter egos getting ready to
open up a can of whup-ass is both
beautiful and
inspiring. A
damn good issue...
Cool Quotes!Hey, it's the
All-Eel Quote Revue!
Eel O'Brian, describing the
thug mentality: "You know the sound a gun butt makes across a guy's skull? It's low and
wet. Like a ball bat
pulpin' a melon. Haven't heard that noise f'r years. Now it's like a
song I can't get outta my head. And I wanna hear it again."
Eel O'Brian, describing the nature of
millionaire playboy Bruce Wayne's
madness: "Everyone figured that when you split Bruce Wayne and Batman, you get a
fop and a
lunatic. Which is true. But not like we thought."
Eel O'Brian, pointing out Bruce Wayne's ultimate fate: "All that
rage and no place to put it. No training to use it. So it just eats away at ya more and more until they eventually lock you up. Until you and Rayner and me are fightin' over a
pudding cup in the
psycho ward."
The Cathexis,
gloating: "Id is once more ours! Who now dares stand against us?"
Eel O'Brian, flanked by the World's Greatest Alter Egos: "We do."
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