... to consider two weeks of paid vacation generous.

... to live in the divide between a culture who worships (from afar) the concept of a strong family life, and a family who can't bring themselves to actually care about each other.

... to be frightfully aware of my deficiencies as an educated human being, especially in the areas of languages, religions, and philosophy... and yet to be repeatedly unable to make headway against those deficiencies. Does growing up in the most mediocre of American public schools shape your brain such that, despite being an intelligent human being, you're forever deficient in those areas, or is there some other explanation?

... to live everyday with people who consider themselves progressive as they go about their racist, sexist, classist lives.

... to hate many of the things my government does, and yet watch the myth of representative democracy get in the way of my effectively protesting those things.

... to become increasingly aware that few non-Americans understand the good things about being American. And that the parts of my culture that get exported to the rest of the world aren't the parts of my culture that I'm proud of.

... to take shit from people of other nations about the parts of my culture I dislike and am actively working to change.

... to peaceably assemble, practice my own religion, speak freely, and to petition my government for a redress of grievences.

... to take up arms to defend my government (yes, that's what the 2nd amendment means, deal with it).

... to not be forced by my government to quarter their soldiers within my home.

... to refuse the athorities of my government entry into my home without proper cause shown on their part.

Yeah, there are some downsides to being a citizen of the United States of America, but there are some upsides. See also Constitution.
If I were to say that "Everyone from Russia is a Communist Spy", I'd be lambasted as make broad generalizations. And yet, it's okay to bash Americans on the same premises?

The above sentence is "Why People Make Fun of Americans In a Nutshell". You're so self-centered! Read Outside it's America and I'm from America. What the hell is your problem with me? for more takes on how self-absorbed American seem to the rest of the world.

From the general tone of your complaint, you obviously seem to think that either a) it's not ok to make fun of Americans or b) only Americans are being made fun of. If you think that US or Canadian citizens are beyond and above reproach, there's nothing to talk about. If you think that only Americans have the piss taken, well, xunker, you obviously need to travel.

I'm Jewish, was born in the USSR and was raised in Israel. If you listen to my friends, all I ever do is alternate between feeding people to death, oppressing Palestinians and spying for the KGB. My husband is English, so of course he's the House Imperialist Pig, and one of our best friends is German - he routinely threatens to stick me in the oven and is constantly accused of wandering off and absentmindedly invading Poland.

All of the above are issues slightly more sensitive that whether or not any of us speak too loudly or have bad taste in presidents - yet we still manage to find them hysterically funny, among friends. With your whining about how nobody likes Americans and treats them as fair game, you set yourself up as a perfect butt for exactly that kind of joke.

It is not your right as an American to be spared the small social embarrassements everybody else is subject to.

heyoka says you palestinian opressing KGB spy with secret chicken noodle soup weapons, you. you are infiltrating the good wholesome upstanding american database!


The Right To Free Speech

Congress shall enact no law to abridge my speech. However, if my speech is inflamatory, offensive, or otherwise unpopular they may allow a lesser body in the Judiciary branch to legislate it away with a nod and a wink.

The Right to Freedom of Religion

I shall have the right to choose my own religion and practice it forthwith in the United States, so long as that religion is an approved subsect of Christianity. If I happen to be Muslim, Buddhist, or Hindu, I shall expect my fellow Americans to taunt, mock, and misunderstand me.

The Right to Freedom of the Press

I shall expect the press to distract me with sensationalist nonsense so that I might have difficulty discovering real issues.

The Right to Keep and Bear Arms

The right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed, unless you're one of "those" people, or want to purchase the wrong sort of arms. The U.S. Government's inability to enforce existing laws will give me the right to see more unenforced laws enacted to legislate away the "gun problem."

The Right Against Unreasonable Search and Seizure

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, unless one is thought to be in violation of the RICO (Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations) act, a motorist without a seatbelt, or otherwise one who upsets or angers a police officer or other official.

The Right to Freedom from Self-incrimination

I have the right to be silent to keep from incriminating myself in a court of law. I also have the right to be locked-up for said silence under "contempt of court" and losing my right to due-process, can be kept there indefinitely until I choose to revoke my silence.


In summary, I have the right to assume that all persons are created equal. Except, of course, for the ones that don't tow the mark. Or happen to be from somewhere else. Or have a different skin color. Or are female. Or think differently. Or subscribe to an unpopular political ideology. Or...

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