Second in importance to the theodical question of whether God's goodness vindicates His tolerance of suffering is the question, which I pose here for the very first time, of whether, perhaps, God is just a dork.

Maybe God's Mom allowed Him to live in the basement a few millennia too long. Maybe She turned a blind eye to His early experimentation with destruction and suffering in the Divine Back Yard. Maybe God was a rebellious youth with an unhealthy aversion to wholesome activities such as Enlightenment and Holy Guidance. Maybe the jock kids in God School tortured Him mercilessly about His cowlick and jug ears, driving Him to a life of seclusion and furious autoerotic activity.

Whatever the cause, it seems clear that, well-intentioned as the ol' guy might be, he's more than a little bit socially awkward. God's Dorkiness, combined with His undeniable position of authority as Master of the Universe, may well be responsible for the (from a mortal perspective, anyway) execrable suffering experienced by many of His living creations.

Let's face it, as lowly humans, we are hard-wired to look up to the guy. For one thing, He's tried to kill us off at least a couple of times, He's cursed us, caused massive confusion in our communications systems, and has carried out various and sundry other acts that one can not help but interpret as either hostile or vastly misguided. Clearly, our lives are in His hands, and there's no way around that.

Maybe it time to step back from that, though, and consider that maybe He's just a Dork. Socially maladjusted, you know? Maybe He's doing things the way He thinks they should be done, and He's just not very good at it. I can appreciate when Somebody's doing their best, even if the results are not the greatest. As His underlings, it falls on us to fill in the gaps in His competence, if not for our own good, then to buffer the doubtlessly crushing humiliation and shame He must experience whenever other, cooler Gods look at what He's doing here and either burst into mocking hilarity or soundly kick His Ass.

If corporate life has taught me nothing else, it is that the burden of excellence falls on the unwashed masses, and that people in positions of authority are almost entirely useless, in terms of getting things done. Taken together with the Presidency of George W. Bush, which I understand is soundly endorsed by God, I feel it's clear that God is trying to communicate to us by example, in a subtle and socially awkward manner, that He wishes us to compensate for His inadequacy by being good people and using whatever Divine Gifts we may have gained through contact with Him to lighten His burden of responsibility and make Creation look a little better, at least in terms of window dressing. Something flashy would be good, you know, like an interplanetary expedition or time travel. I mean, we all know He'll just take credit for it, but it sounds like fun anyway, so I think we should go for it. What do we have to lose?

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