Here's the stuff we found when you searched for "If sarcasm could kill, you would have already exploded ten seconds ago"

• Things that would have seemed unbelievable about 11 years ago
• I would have killed for a sexual thought
• Why would he want a writer when he could have a dancer?
• The Ten Commandments revised
• If you could go back in time and kill Hitler, would you?
• Solving a maze
• I might have expected that the mushrooms would worship you
• Imagine how the world would be if only wrecking balls could destroy flowers
• Laugh now, because tomorrow I will be ten stories tall and I could just step on you if I want
• If I had the money I would get lost. God knows I have the time.
• He would shrink into the sky if he could
• All the terrible disadvantages an invisible man would have in the world
• If only I'd thought of the right words, I could have held on to your heart
• I have no proof that he would ever want to kiss or destroy me.
• I would've taken an axe to it, but I'm pretty sure the dryad would have pulverized me
• Penis for a day
• Women should have become revolutionary a long time ago
• I would have liked thunder when she left
• You stole what they would have given you
• I suppose I could have married a World Cup soccer player, but I didn't
• The Ten Seconds of Non-existence
• I would like for love not to kill me, please
• Bernie would have won
• If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B Movie Actor
• Could/can vs Would/will
• How many lives could have been saved had we just said "Please" more often?
• I wish you could have met me before I became food
• And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for you meddling kids!
• Nodes your Grandma would have liked
• Are you searching to be inspired? Or are you searching to be amused, be content, be happy? What could you have been?
• It would have been an excellent story but I had to get off the train
• Micro or macro, we have the means to kill you
• Of course, first you have to kill him
• The Weddings I have Performed, or Why God is Gonna Kill Me
• Do unto others as you would have others do unto you
• Over and over it would rain so that we could not dig the body up
• Why the ancient Babylonians would have loved high definition television
• We told you when you were hired that you would have to work on Saturday
• if I was doing it for compliments I would have stopped a lot sooner
• I would have attempted to draw her if she had stayed that way.
• Your radical ideas about society, individualism, and religion have already occurred to others
• Your radical ideas about religion as a mechanism of social control have already occurred to others
• The Second Coming of Christ already happened
• So what if your radical ideas have already occurred to others
• Your radical ideas about taking candy from thefez have already occurred to others
• Your radical ideas about New World Orders have already occurred to others
• If we could build things out of concepts, I'd have pants made of lust
• Your Radical Ideas about Capitalism as a Method for Social Control Have Already Occurred to Others
• All of your ideas have already occurred to others. Please stop bothering to think. You are selfishly wasting energy and oxygen.
• Could have beens, should have beens
• And All That Could Have Been
• No man could have the power that is yours and not know it
• I could have been one of a two
• Your radical ideas about this being like David Foster Wallace have already occurred to others.
• It could have been a Brilliant Career
• How would you know? And how could you ever know?
• would that I could live in a book
• Your radical ideas about philosophy have already occurred to others
• The second chance you give could be your last
• I could take this in doses large enough to kill
• You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
• General sexuality newsgroup
• Could Muhammad have been autistic?
• Your radical ideas about roman numerals have already occurred to others
• What pornos would have us believe
• Gifts we already have
• You might as well kill yourself. You're already dead.
• You should have killed me when you had the chance
• The terrorists have already won
• Advantages an invisible man would have in the world
• The terrorists have already won "ANY BREAKFAST BAGEL SANDWICH" at McDonald's!
• I don't even have the energy to kill myself
• I would a thousand times rather have had a simple cheap sandwich with a friend
• Would ye have a young Virgin of fifteen Years
• Khaled Islambouli
• you would have been
• If I were Twenty-One I would determine, even if I could never be anything else in the world, that I would be a thoroughbred
• Could I Have Been?
• when I am King, we will have no such things, but, my lads, if the old king my father were dead, we would be all kings.
• Friend, you have a lot to learn if you think loving me would be a bad idea.
• Would you rather have a matrimony profile?
• Bernie would have won "ANY BREAKFAST BAGEL SANDWICH" at McDonald's
• he would have cried
• If she didn't love you she would kill you
• I would kill my mother
• it wouldn't be so bad if people like you would have become ghosts too
• Ten Seconds to Midnight
• The Ten Seconds of Non-existence, part 2
• how not to kill yourself in ten easy steps
• Would I have hid myself away if I had known I'd never be found?
• from where I stand I can see they have already won
• Your radical ideas about your radical ideas occurring to others have already occurred to others
• If it had been able to, the light would have smiled
• Where the water for the flood could have come from
• It could have been me
• Only a little child could kill this cleanly
• Nothing could kill the Grimace
• Your radical ideas about a twelve inch cock have already occurred to others
• Your radical ideas about softlinking a node with a title saying that the writer's radical ideas about this topic have already occurred to others have, in fact, already occurred to others
• Could you have danced with me?
• Astro City #5
• They could have sprung 50 cents for a connector
• you could have done better with this letter of yours, miss
• the only comfort we could ever have
• Your radical ideas about many things have already occurred to others but have never been articulated in a fashion so accessible to current generations
• Your radical ideas about time traveling to July 29, 1947 to have a threesome with Marilyn Monroe and Jackie Kennedy have already occurred to others
• How Could You Want Him (When You Know You Could Have Me)?
• I'll look at this in a year and wonder how I could have been so stupid
• The cat (rumination of all that could have been)
• If poetry could describe the way you make me feel, poetry would be illegal. Or anyway I might get arrested.
• I could have been Canadian
• He tells me that I could have his heart and I want to take it right then, slip it into my pocket and run
• What would you change if you could?
• His actions have already scarred American history.
• I could have known everything for five dollars
• The next mass extinction may have already begun.
• Just as it could not imprison itself with laws, impoverish itself with money or misguide itself with leaders, so it would not misrepresent itself with signs.
• They could have saved Kevin
• If you could reset your life back 10 years, would you?
• How many a dispute could have been deflated into a single paragraph if the disputants had dared to define their terms.
• If this were in person, I would have kissed her now
• what if the most important thing you will ever do you have already done?
• nor was there anything to be attained that you didn't already have
• Know your pets
• if music was a woman you would have a mistress
• Your radical ideas about the combinatoric implications of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator have already occurred to others
• Your radical ideas about every point being the center of the universe have already occurred to others
• Having an S on a transcript rather than a B
• you already have what it takes
• If you or a loved one have been injured or killed
• your radical ideas about hustling the bog pork have already occurred to others
• I'd tell you but then I'd have to kill you
• How could you ever have enough?
• It is never too late to be what you would have been
• If you didn't have free will, would you know it?
• A little child could never kill this clean
• If we catapulted outlaws, only pawn shops would have guns
• I would like to have emotions
• To a Poet, who would have me Praise certain Bad Poets, Imitators of His and Mine
• I always knew I would have a 21st birthday but I never thought I'd be 21
• I would have cooled this if you had written it
• Terminating a pregnancy due to Down Syndrome
• I would have tried, but Charlotte kept Charlotte in the world of Charlotte and she barely heard me
• If Gore Had Won (A cautionary tale)
• Hello, my name is... Would you like to have sex?
• For future reference, when in eternity or insanity; dreams I would like to have
• How we could still have a President Trump
• How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
• If voting changed anything, they would make it illegal
• If not voting could change the system it would be illegal
• The best kind of bartender
• two guys who have killed scores of imaginary people
• Yesterday, I believe I would never have done what I did today.
• You have won second prize in a beauty contest! Collect $10.
• he would have laughed
• What if I had never met you? How much the poorer would my life have been.
• I would have leapt at the innuendo you had strewn at my feet.
• If it were a snake, it would have bit me
• The best phone call I could have made tonight
• Things that a fetus would say if it could speak
• AGO
• It happened a long time ago
• This email is a response to your email of a year ago sent on February 6, 2000
• The Meaning of Love Eight Years Ago
• God died a long time ago
• I became a fish and a hundred years passed in a blurred stream. I remember it from long ago.
• "Too long ago" makes no sense to me.
• the already dead
• Enough with the high heels already
• The guy who may as well already be dead and therefore doesn't care about the consequences of his actions and is able to move with perfect freedom for the remainder of what will likely be a tragically short life
• I Had Already Quit That Job About 20 Days Ago...in my mind, anyway
• Can't you just fall in love with me already?

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