Here's the stuff we found when you searched for "If Waiting for Godot had had a monkey in it, it would be in possession of almost every major element of comedy available on modern day cable TV"

• If everyone had a flower instead of a gun, there would be no more war
• Would I have hid myself away if I had known I'd never be found?
• If I had called you, would you still be dead?
• people who were not to be trifled with; people who would dance, and had no notion of walking
• I would have cooled this if you had written it
• It would have been an excellent story but I had to get off the train
• If I had the nerve, I would ask you
• If God had a cunt you'd be God
• I Would Be Content To Live For But A Day
• I would have leapt at the innuendo you had strewn at my feet.
• I almost had to wait
• She Had to Be Sure
• You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life even if you had an electrified fooling machine!
• If I had the money I would get lost. God knows I have the time.
• If I had a monkey, I'd give it a gun
• If the field of AI had tried building footballers rather than chess players, how might it be different today?
• If we had a more developed tailbone, would we wag our tail?
• I'm not one to be had for the wanting, Sir
• All the things she had at one point wanted to be
• but you had his eyes and that was sort of almost enough
• I Had Already Quit That Job About 20 Days Ago...in my mind, anyway
• I had every intention of moving forward.
• "This sandwich is great, but it could be better if it had tomatoes and also gave me super powers."
• I was wrong as a child, to think old people were stupid for asking me where the day had gone. Now I understand... we older people do not live.
• If I had a rocket launcher, some son of a bitch would pay!
• The Monkey that had a Mobile Phone
• if you had it as an option, would you take it?
• What would aliens think of us if Everything was all they had?
• I would have attempted to draw her if she had stayed that way.
• I would a thousand times rather have had a simple cheap sandwich with a friend
• If you were team captain in a pick-up game of baseball and had Jesus Christ on your team, what position would you play him?
• What if I had never met you? How much the poorer would my life have been.
• If it had been able to, the light would have smiled
• When did you decide to forget every wrong you had done?
• Every day, in every way, I strive to be a danger to myself and others
• The Scots Confession: Chapter 7
• every day she stands there, waiting. every day, she's gone when i get there.
• The woman had a carnivorous frenzy which could only be soothed by the succulent sirloin
• you had to be there
• We had every gentle sound
• Spared the sight of what you wouldn't be the same if you had seen.
• She bought a new smile every week when we first started seeing each other. Then I had to buy them.
• Unraveling things you would never be able to say with words.
• Just to see what it would be like
• It was something that sang out while burning itself up, at the risk that nothing would be left.
• But what kind of violence would not be natural? Is not cruelty natural?
• Would you take your shoes back now, i think I know what it is like to be you.
• We do what we do because of who we are. If we did otherwise, we would not be ourselves.
• That Would Be Enough
• Working for a Car Dealership compromises my soul every day
• cable TV
• Friend, you have a lot to learn if you think loving me would be a bad idea.
• Why would a lapsed Catholic want to be married in the church?
• Waiting to be wiped out by natural selection
• He made me promise I would do this when I was next sad. So I promised myself I would not be sad again.
• If we classified ducks as monsters, well, that would be pretty accurate.
• if i'm right, you'll be here to read this any day now
• Linux would be dead without Windows
• Imagine how the world would be if only wrecking balls could destroy flowers
• If only our tongues were made of glass, how much more careful we would be when we speak.
• And then night was here, after a day of measured breathing, and I could forget about breathing because the waiting was done
• Now there's something you don't see every day, Chauncy
• Your cable TV just got better!
• I think people would rather be happy than virtuous
• Without chemicals, life itself would be impossible
• Tomorrow Shall be my Dancing Day
• It will be a hot day and these two ice cubes. We will melt, become one.
• Why Star Trek: Series V would be a bad thing
• I thought that I wanted this. I didn't realize it would be so hollow
• If I was any good at this, I would be getting paid
• If not for bras there would be far too little between men and breasts.
• One day, E2 will attain sentience. And I'll be there to see it.
• If you would be seated
• In the real world, it is almost always women and not men who are waiting under windows
• how many bird nests would be made from her lovely hair
• The total sum of all things would be zero if it was not for love
• If I were Twenty-One I would be happy
• it wouldn't be so bad if people like you would have become ghosts too
• Would you be more of a Jekyll or a Hyde?
• You mean the me that you would be
• It was something that sand out while burning itself up, at the risk that nothing would be left.
• Things To Do Every Single Day
• Be your own fiction. After that, the story almost writes itself.
• Stoned music memories
• every day
• every horse can be tamed by someone. but they don't always live at the same time.
• Mandy would be happy if i died
• The mailbomb from the Christian Fundamentalists I pissed off should be here any day now
• Mind without body
• TV can be a good thing
• I assumed we would not even be friends
• If you were a perfume, your name would be "Butterflies"
• What would existence be like for a child born with no senses?
• A whimper would be fine
• Why almost every node was written in the year 2000
• when I am King, we will have no such things, but, my lads, if the old king my father were dead, we would be all kings.
• Your noise would not be missed here.
• it would be hilarious if only
• every partial order can be extended to a total order
• he thought it would be great fun to conquer the world
• If you were a vegetable, what kind of vegetable would you be? (registry)
• If Christianity were true, why would there still be any Jews?
• When night falls, I will be waiting for you
• Don't be a monkey. Let go of the banana.
• some day we will all be gone
• If you would be so kind
• Once upon a time, I imagined she would be a river
• I feel an almost overwhelming interest in the methods of daylight abduction employed by the modern youth
• If there were more people like you, there would be more people
• Statements that would be shocking to people living in 1995
• almost drove past the church that day
• If I were Twenty-One I would determine, even if I could never be anything else in the world, that I would be a thoroughbred
• They knew what our pain would be.
• The easier option would just be to electroplate the chicken.
• Does a modern state need to be a Democracy?
• They shall be tormented day and night for ever and ever
• Cable Monkey
• We Thought You Would Be Prettier
• Kind words beat upvotes and C!s every day
• Do not watch Fight Club every day for a week
• Finnish TV Comedy
• Trouble Comin' Every Day
• All my favorite people live in this box that I look at every day
• Looking as though they saw the dark before dawn every day
• mermaids should come with the cable tv
• if everyone were 10% more good, there would be a 90% reduction in evil
• Sushi would be what sophisticated human aliens would eat.
• That I Would Be Good
• trying to complete some archaic sub-quest, only to be drawn into some stupid battle every five steps
• Never Again Would Birds' Song Be the Same
• You meant for this node to be read by me, and I would like to respond
• Every poem is a silence that needed to be broken
• Waiting for the show to be over. In oh-so-many ways.
• I never thought it would be like this
• Might be like leftovers. Would not taste the same, however sweet.
• That'll Be the Day
• Every kitchen maid should be able to administer state affairs
• Waiting To Be Opened
• I set the alarm clock anyway, knowing I would be up all night
• You'll be something special one day. And you -- you have to take care of your sister.
• Whoso would be a man must be a nonconformist
• You know it is going to be a strange day when you wake up dead
• Valentine's Day shouldn't be a chore
• If there were more people like you, there would be less people
• I'll be waiting for you in heaven... with a gun
• Open source cars would be doing 200 mpg by now
• If anything were different, everything would be different
• Life without music would be a mistake
• If all you did was node, your writeups wouldn't be very interesting, would they?
• Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and start slitting throats
• The next time they would come, I would not be here.
• If I was the ocean, what would you be to me?
• Sorrier than I ever thought I would be
• You cannot be in love with every beautiful thing you see
• It must be the Friday night before Valentine's Day.
• Maybe even this will one day be pleasant to recall
• It is not known why a goose would be used in this manner
• I figured things would be okay once the werewolf started to cry
• You can not be in love with every beautiful thing you see
• This would be so dirty if we weren't all professionals
• It would be a less interesting world if we all walked and skipped alike, and never fell from bicycles.
• If poetry could describe the way you make me feel, poetry would be illegal. Or anyway I might get arrested.
• One Day I Will Be The Summer
• Statements that would be shocking to people living in 1795
• It can be days before the vision passes and I see the world plainly again.
• what would it take to be serene again?
• Statements that would be shocking to people living in 1985
• I wish I knew how it would feel to be free
• Every tale is not to be believed
• What tasty food would be distusting if eaten over rice?

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