I was getting dinner with a couple
friends about a year ago, and we were discussing how the three of us were "
broken people"... I didn't realize until halfway through the conversation that I had no idea what they meant when they said "broken." I thought maybe they were saying we grew
cynical from the lumps we took, or we didn't take
shit from people trying to provide further lumps. I was, at some point, asked when I was
initially "broken." I asked what they meant by it. They talked for a bit and agreed that a "broken" person understands those responsible for the
Columbine shootings. I looked at them for a while to make sure they weren't
joking and then asked, in hope, if they meant they understood that those
weak children made a
terrible mistake... but no, they meant they understood where a person's mind has to be to do that.
I didn't know what to tell them; not even at my very weakest point did I consider the notion of taking life, and at no point will I understand others doing so, outside of lack of wisdom, and weakness of mind. They ultimately figured I just didn't have it too rough... I assured them that even if pain wasn't relative, I've been through my share and then some. The longer I thought, the more certain I was that I was never broken; moreover, I realized I never could be. I was just fractured several times and I grew stronger through healing.
Now I can continue to take heat without thought of vengeance or any other ill intention... hell, bring it on, world... I'll take whatever shit you want to throw my way... I'll hold on to it and drain whatever strength from it I can... I will develop better tools for holding as much pain as you will provide... I will not tell it that it's cool, or exceptional... and when I'm done with it I'll release it into the atmosphere, weak and helpless.
um... When I said "atmosphere," I meant E2... and when I said "weak and helpless" I meant downvoted... :)