i want this to stop hurting after i talk about it, instead of getting worse. instead of pulling me further. this is real
. this isn't the simple tragedies of every day, this is my life, this is something that i can't cry away and there are no arms to crawl into when it is all too much
, except my own. this is my life.
these are doubts and fears and they are overwhelming. i find tears too often just thinking, simply thinking
i cry because maybe i watched too many movies. maybe i thought, doing anything to be together applied to everyone who was in love. maybe i lived a fairy tale
. maybe i am still a tiny child inside and these tears are the tears of not being able to communicate with the world around me well enough to find a way to make them stop.
when it is all breaking, in my head, and when i'm too tired, i want this to be like the things i write. fast, torrents of thought that spill and are gone, gone, gone