To all noders I ask: Does anyone know the experience of having a paradigm shift of immediate personal significance? Perhaps it's brought on by elements of a situation that cause tension, but as a result it sweeps everything, takes over your mind? As though, all of a sudden, you lose the ability to act as yourself, or no longer feel at home in your own consciousness? Completely alien in your surroundings? And you wonder how you could have possibly done it, and been yourself? Things like pain, and anguish, and fear come as a result, and mean nothing? Your mind is expanding faster than you can hold on?

I bring this question to the noders as a kind of pilgrimage. My recent experience has been that, in effect, some friends very close to me have vanished from my immediate surroundings. The details could only cloud the matter from the reader's understanding. What it has done, these happenings have impaired my ability to live. It took me quite a while to come to this conclusion, but I finally found it by indirection. I can remember LIVING, actively. I might have gone out driving, or eaten dinner, or taken a shower, or watched TV, but whatever I was doing, I was living, and I had a sense of living. In my new state, I'm not sure what I'm doing, but it doesn't have the same consistency, the same substance of being alive. It's hardly a situation to set off alarms, but I'd like to know what exactly the nature of my situation is. This is default, and is about as natural as looking at your own navel, as I see it.

So, those of you out there who are currently living I ask, how are you doing it? Are there any specific things to keep in mind while you are living? What might I do to return to my normal routine of living?

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